Robin: 'Our boy's back in the game.'
Lily: 'Thank God, it's been a hundred years since Mosby scored a dame.'
Marshall: 'The last time he saw boobies was the screen-test scene in 'Fame'.'
Robin: 'The last girl he dated, I think 'Righty' was her name.'
Oh, come on, ref! I haven't seen that much hooking go unpunished since my last trip to Vegas.0
Lily: 'Just be yourself. Say something nice.'
Robin: 'Which one? I can't do both.'
My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.0
Robin: 'This locket was my grandma's, she kept it hidden in her butt all through world war II.'
Lily: 'What? Where was she?'
Robin: 'Winnipeg. Come on, Lily, that is a joke.'
Marshall: 'When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit.'
Robin: 'Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?'
Marshall: 'Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts.'
Robin: 'Yeah, I don't speak virgin either.'
Robin: 'We're like sisters.'
Ted: 'You've never gotten through even one exchange without screaming at her.'
Robin: 'Sisters fight, Ted!'
Robin: 'He has a book of plays he uses to trick women into sleeping with him.'
Patrice: 'Oh, no way. Barney's my honey bear.'
Robin: 'Actually, one of his plays is called 'The Honey Bear'. He dresses up like Winnie the Pooh, and the next thing you know, his hand's stuck in your pot.'
Marshall: 'I was once with this chick, who liked to do hand stuff underneath a jacket, while we were all sitting around our favorite booth at MacLaren's.'
Robin: 'We share appetizers!'
By 'entertainment' they mean 'table-shuffle-board', Makramee classes and other non-stimulating activities which are only used in Manhatten to calm down drug-addicts and the criminaly insane.0
Ted: 'Want to know what I looked like at age 15? There it is.'
Robin: 'I don't get it, that guy wasn't masturbating.'
Barney: 'Yeah, and the waistband of his undies wasn't pulled up to his Cub Scouts neckerchief.'
B-Dawg, Barn Door, Stinson-natti, Bro-hio! Talk to me, how's it hangin'?0
Barney: 'Before you know it, you'll be marrying a man who once ate a vanilla-scented candle!'
Robin: 'That was on me. I shouldn't have left it in the kitchen. Though, it was lit. Man, he dumb.'
It's not what you think, he just wants to have sex. Kidding. Just a little hand stuff. Ha, kidding again. Ted's more of a boob man. I seriously can't stop.0
Barney: 'I love how she was this wise, old, chilled out, lesbian farmer.'
Robin: 'No, no, no. She's not a lesbian, nor does she farm them. No, that woman she lives with, that's just her special friend Maureen. They've lived together for... Oh!'
Judging from how many clients that hooker has serviced, I'd say we've been here almost an hour.0
Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back and add Sandy, because when I find him, I'm gonna kill him.0
Barney: 'Canada sucks.'
Robin: 'Okay, well, you're one-quarter Canadian, so by that logic you one-quarter suck!'
Barney: 'I'm 100% awesome and you know it!'
Robin: 'Yeah, I do.'
Destined? Aren't you tired of waiting for destiny, Ted? Isn't it time to make your own destiny?Fate & Destiny0
Ted: 'Victoria was great.'
Robin: 'Exactly, and you threw it all away to chase after some hot piece of ass.'
Ted: 'You mean you?'
Robin: 'Thank you!'
Robin: 'That was not cool, Ted.'
Robin: 'That wasn't cool, Ted?'
Oh, we're busting apple bags? I can bust apple bags.0
When I was 13, my father caught me kissing a boy, so he sent me to our family's ranch for foaling season. Once you see a baby horse erupt through that birth canal, you stop even touching yourself!0
I know our relationship isn't exactly what you want it to be. And I know I may not love you the way you love me, but I DO love you. Isn't that worth hanging on to?0
Robin: 'Barney, I am not ready for them to find out about us.'
Barney: 'Then you're gonna have to stay in there for the entire trilogy. Don't worry, it's only 382 minutes.'
Here are a few fun facts about Long Island... Number 1: It's Brooklyn's fart-trail.0
Lily: 'Sorry this is taking so long. He kicked for everybody else.'
Marshall: 'It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.'
Barney: 'Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night.'
Kevin: 'Wow! It was small, but I think I felt something.'
Robin: 'Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.'
Ted: 'You know Robin? Been thinking about it. Guess it's kind of nice you're such a bad-ass.'
Robin: 'It's pretty bad-ass you're so nice, Ted.'
Robin: 'Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.'
Ted: 'You called her a whore!'
Robin: 'Who wears that much make up?'
Ted: 'Old ladies!'
Robin: 'Who take money for sex, exactly!'
Sandy Rivers: 'I don't know what went wrong.'
Robin: 'Well, proposing a three way was bad. Starting without us was worse. Finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin.'
Robin: 'I wouldn't go to Cleveland for 125 million dollars, paid over six years.'
Ted: 'Still with the LeBron jokes? Where's that ring he's supposed to have by now?'
I didn't realize you were small potatoes. And to be clear, I am referring to your testicles.0
14 seconds! And already some dingdong is stepping up, thinking he can get some of this broke off.0
Ted: 'Trying to get them interested in architecture as a career.'
Barney: 'Why? Are we running out of buildings?'
Robin: 'Are we running out of boring people?'
Robin: 'Ted, are you acting out the last scene of 'Sleepless in Seattle' with little dolls?'
Ted: 'How long have you been out here?'
Robin: 'Ten seconds.'
Ted: 'Yeah - just the last scene.'
What's in the box? What's in the box? WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
Right? Brad pitt? Seven?
Ted: 'No, seriously Robin, you should get the slap. I mean, you're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slap-prentice.'
Robin: 'Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy. You're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.'
Marshall: 'Where is your playbook?'
Robin: 'My playbook? Bro, uh, two-volume set, right here.
Ted: 'It's a great read, actually.'
Lily: 'Yeah, I'm reading it right now.'
Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.Friendship, Relationships0
There's something between us. Maybe my head was saying, 'nip it in the bud', because my heart was saying something else...0
It could be for a brother or maybe her sick dad.
[reads] 'And then I want you to do me on the couch.'
Okay, maybe not a sick dad. Or a very sick dad, am I right?
Karen: 'I'm sure all the exploited diamond miners in Sierra Leone would give you a high-five if they still had all their fingers. But really pretty - meet me upstairs!'
Robin: 'They only need one finger to give her what I'm thinking.'
Lily: 'I am gonna have to walk this earth, knowing Barney has touched my boobs.'
Robin: 'Yeah it stays with ya. His e-mail reminders don't help.'
Robin: 'I just finished a seven-day cleanse.'
Marshall: 'I thought you just started that yesterday.'
Robin: 'I finished early, okay?'
Ted: 'Okay, time to get the horn back to the bistro.'
Robin: 'Oh Ted, I don't know if I can go again, that tuckered me out.'
Ted: 'No euphemism.'
Ted: 'All my friends from high-school, they're here with their wifes or kids. My date for the night is a sticky magazine...'
Robin: 'Sounds like high-school all over again!'
Ted: 'Robin! I just had a great idea!'
Robin: 'Oh, do whatever you want to me, just don't wake me up.'
Okay, I've missed you. Not in a 'we're gonna make out' way, not even in an 'I forgive you' way. Just in an 'I've missed you' way.Missing Someone0
If one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, my panties would drop so hard, there would be a hole in the floor halfway to China.0