The best Quotes by Rita Rudner

I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.

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Happiness is having a rare steak, a bottle of whisky, and a dog to eat the rare steak.

Johnny Carson

Whiskey

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president.

Johnny Carson

Democracy

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Johnny Carson

Talent

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Johnny Carson

Alcohol Enjoying Sex Smoking Funny Quotes

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

Johnny Carson

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

Johnny Carson

New York City

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11

Sex New York City

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man

Fame New York City

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

New York City

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 3

New York City Manhatten

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

New York City

In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 5

New York City

We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.

Bill de Blasio

New York City

Regardless of our differences, this was still New York. A melting pot crammed onto an island, then pushed into a subway car with a rat eating pizza. You're not left or right. You're a New f*cking Yorker and we're in this together.

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show - Debates Anti-Vax Mandate Protesters in NYC

New York City

Do you know how bad that coffee has to be to to be considered a health risk in New York? This is the same city where pizza gets delivered by a rat!

Ronny Chieng in The Daily Show

New York City

I don't wanna f*ck it up because one of us didn't prepare for the slim possibility of New York City traffic!

Michael Lawson in Uncoupled - Season 1 Episode 1

New York City

Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.

Natalie Portman

Intelligence Men & Women Singles & Dating

Men always want to be a woman's first love. What women like is to be a man's last romance.

Oscar Wilde

Love Men & Women

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Boobs

Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20

Boobs

When you find a man you wish to marry, Tessa, remember this: You will know what kind of man he is not by the things he says, but by the things he does.

Cassandra Clare in The Infernal Devices

Lies Men Taking action Talking

Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.

Friedrich Schiller in Don Carlos

Youth Men Birthday Age

A woman who doesn't wear perfume has no future.

Coco Chanel

Women Perfume

A woman's perfume tells more about her than her handwriting.

Christian Dior

Women Smell Perfume

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Louis C. K. - 2017

Relationships Marriage

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone.

Cecelia Ahern in P.S. I Love You

Love Relationships

A happy marriage doesn't mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you've chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.

Fawn Weaver

Relationships Perfection Marriage

Lucy, every marriage is a dance; complicated at times, lovely at times, most the time very uneventful. But with Mickey, there will be times when your dance will be on broken glass. There will be pain. And you will either flee that pain or hold tighter and dance through it to the next smooth place.

Ka Hancock in Dancing on Broken Glass

Relationships Marriage

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Rita Rudner

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