The best Quotes by Rik Mayall

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To criticize a person for their race is manifestly irrational and ridiculous, but to criticize their religion, that is a right. That is a freedom.

Rowan Atkinson

Religion Racism

I have always worried about things more than I should.

Rowan Atkinson

Thinking

Mr. Bean is essentially a child trapped in the body of a man. All cultures identify with children in a similar way, so he has this bizarre global outreach.

Rowan Atkinson

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Sassy Quotes

Mrs M, if we were the last three humans on earth, I would be trying to start a family with Baldrick.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Dump-Quotes

They do say, Mrs M, that verbal insults hurt more than physical pain. They are, of course, wrong, as you will soon discover when I stick this toasting fork into your head.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Funny Threats

Baldrick, I want you to take this and go out and buy a turkey so large, you'd think its mother had been rogered by an omnibus.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Turkeys

Baldrick, believe me, eternity in the company of Beelzebub and all his hellish instruments of death will be a picnic compared to five minutes with me - and THIS pencil.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

The eyes are open, the mouth moves, but Mr Brain has long since departed, hasn't he, Percy?

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Funny Insults Brain

There hasn't been a war run this badly since Olaf the hairy, King of all the Vikings, ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Vikings & Northmen

He's madder than Mad Jack McMad, the winner of last year's Mr Madman competition.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Your brain is so minute Baldrick, that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn't be enough to cover a small water biscuit.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Funny Insults

Pitt the Younger: "I intend to put my own brother up as a candidate against you."
Blackadder: "And which Pitt would this be? Pitt the Toddler? Pitt the Embryo? Pitt the Glint in the Milkman's Eye?"

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Lord Flashheart: "Enter the man who has no underwear. Ask me why."
Others: "Why do you have no underwear, Lord Flash?"
Lord Flashheart: "Because the pants haven't been built yet that'll take the job on."

Lord Flashheart in Blackadder

Baldrick: "I have a plan, sir."
Blackadder: "Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one?"
Baldrick: "Yes, sir."
Blackadder: "As cunning as a fox who's just been appointed Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?"

Blackadder

The suspect has his head placed upon a block, and an axe aimed at his neck. If the man is guilty, the axe will bounce off his neck. If the man is not guilty, the axe will simply slice his head off.

Blackadder

Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Sassy Quotes

Oh, Edmund. I do love it when you get cross. Sometimes I think about having you executed, just to see the expression on your face.

Queenie in Blackadder

Field Marshal Haig is about to make yet another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet six inches closer to Berlin.

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Samuel Johnson: "This book, sir, contains every word in our beloved language."
Blackadder: "Every single one, sir?"
Samuel Johnson: "Every single word, sir."
Blackadder: "Oh, well, in that case, sir, I hope you will not object if I also offer the Doctor my most enthusiastic contrafibularities."

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

Baldrick, you wouldn't recognise a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on a harpsicord singing "subtle plans are here again".

Edmund Blackadder in Blackadder

It is strange with how little notice, good, bad, or indifferent, a man may live and die in London.

Charles Dickens

London

If you're curious, London's an amazing place.

David Bailey

London

I've often thought a blind man could find his way through London simply by gauging the changes in innuendo: mild through Trafalgar Square, less veiled towards the river.

Louis Bayard - Mr. Timothy

London

I have nothing against Orlando, though you are, of course, far more likely to get shot or robbed there than in London.

Boris Johnson

London Orlando

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

John Cleese

London

London. The beating heart of England.

Enola Holmes in Enola Holmes

London

England is my home. London is my home. New York feels like, if I have to spend a year living in an unfamiliar city, this is a pretty lovely one to spend a year in, but I will be going home at the end of it, certainly.

Daniel Radcliffe

London

Fashion needs fresh blood, and London is the most creative place for that.

Donatella Versace

Fashion Creativity London

Look at London or Paris: they're both filthy. You don't get that in Tokyo. The proud residents look after their city.

Tadao Ando

Paris London Tokyo

The best Quotes by Rik Mayall

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