Quote by Ricky Gervais (about Cynicism)

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

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A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

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Remember, if you don't sin, then Jesus died for nothing.

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Remember, when you are dead, you do not know you are dead. It is only painful for others. The same applies when you are stupid.

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Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right!

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You won't burn in hell. But be nice anyway.

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People confuse the subject of the joke with the target of the joke, and they're very rarely the same.

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Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say, "Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?" If they say, "Just God. I only believe in the one God", I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

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Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

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Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do if you're rational.

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If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

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Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

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Why buy a book when you can join a library?

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Same-sex marriage isn't a gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

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Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

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Famous people are above the law.

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I've never been insulted by hateful Satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

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Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer.

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I think it's important to hold a mirror up to society and yourself.

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Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

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If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

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You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

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I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

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Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

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It's like I used to tell my wife: "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife. And I'll say it to my next one too.

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Michael: "Inventory's at the end of December."
Pam: "We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed."
Michael: "Oh... I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it."

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Karen Filippelli: "You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow."
Creed Bratton: "Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of 'em."

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I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?

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Florida is America's bas*ment: it's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators.

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I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.

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Definition: What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

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Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

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One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

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To never be sick can't be healthy.

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Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

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Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

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This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

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People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

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Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

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Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

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Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

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The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

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Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

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People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

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Germany... a country whose idea of a bedtime story is two children being left to die in the forest, before nearly being cooked and eaten and then murdering an old woman.

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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

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Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

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Quote by Ricky Gervais (about Cynicism)

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