The best Quotes by Ricky Gervais

Next time someone tells me they believe in God, I'll say, "Oh which one? Zeus? Hades? Jupiter? Mars? Odin? Thor? Krishna? Vishnu? Ra?" If they say, "Just God. I only believe in the one God", I'll point out that they are nearly as atheistic as me. I don't believe in 2,870 gods, and they don't believe in 2,869.

Atheism

Someone asked me what three things I would save if my house was on fire. I said my cat, my salamander and one of the twins.

Opinions don't affect facts. But facts should affect opinions, and do if you're rational.

Opinions Facts

If there is a God, why did he make me an atheist?

Atheism

Unlike religious people, I look at all religions equally.

Religion

Why buy a book when you can join a library?

Libraries

Same-sex marriage isn't a gay privilege, it's equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. Like churches don't.

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+

Mondays are fine. It's your life that sucks.

Monday

Famous people are above the law.

Fame

I've never been insulted by hateful Satanists for not believing in their devil. Only by loving Christians for not believing in their God.

Christianity

Telling someone with depression to pull themselves together is about as useful as telling someone with cancer to just stop having cancer.

Depression Cancer

I think it's important to hold a mirror up to society and yourself.

Mirrors

Science is constantly proved all the time. If we take something like any fiction, any holy book, and destroyed it, in a thousand years' time, that wouldn't come back just as it was. Whereas if we took every science book and every fact and destroyed them all, in a thousand years they'd all be back because all the tests would be the same result.

Science

Imagine if you carried on believing in Santa and the tooth fairy into adulthood. And even killed and started wars over it. Imagine that.

Religion

It's a strange myth that atheists have nothing to live for. It's the opposite. We have nothing to die for, we have everything to live for.

Atheism

You should bring something into the world that wasn't in the world before. It doesn't matter what that is. It doesn't matter if it's a table or a film or gardening - everyone should create. You should do something, then sit back and say, 'I did that'.

Great Works Work

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Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

Jim Halpert in The Office - Season 7 Episode 16

Shower

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 6 Episode 25

Toby Flenderson

You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 6 Episode 9

I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 5 Episode 22

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

Dwight Schrute in The Office - Season 5 Episode 17

Birthday

It's like I used to tell my wife: "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife. And I'll say it to my next one too.

Stanley Hudson in The Office - Season 4 Episode 12

Apologize

No, I don't believe in God, but I respect the fact that you do. Everyone has to have something to believe in.

Stieg Larsson in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

Atheism

I had only a little time left and I didn't want to waste it on God.

Albert Camus in The Outsider

Atheism

Know what's really great about not being religious, Seong-hee? You know where you go when you die. To hell.

Moon Dong-eun in The Glory - Season 1 Episode 2

Atheism Hölle

Hell is empty, devils are here!

William Shakespeare - Der Sturm

Devil Hölle

Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.

Bill Maher

Religion

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Kyle Broflovski in South Park - Season 11 Episode 12

Luke Skywalker Superman Bugs Bunny Imagination Santa Claus

Definition: What is a cynic? A man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

HK-47 in Star Wars Games - Knights of the Old Republic

Cynicism

I don't need to punish people for sin. Sin is its own punishment, devouring you from the inside.

William Paul Young in The Shack

Conscience Sin

Who's the more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him?

Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope

Foolishness

"Cancel Culture" is about to become a term of the political right-wing.

Sascha Lobo - September 2020

Woke / Cancel Culture

Does it really need a reason to help somebody?

Zidane Tribal in Final Fantasy - IX

Selflessness Being nice

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

Sam in Garden State

Laughing & Smile Humor & Comedy

Men must be free to do what they believe. It is not our right to punish one for thinking what they do, no matter how much we disagree.

Assassin's Creed

Human Rights Freedom Opinions

Listen to the scientists! Listen to what the facts are!

Joe Biden - May 2020

Coronavirus Facts

In all of the world's books in all libraries in the universe, I couldn't find the words to describe what I feel about you.

Love declerations Libraries

I am not gay. Although I wish I were, just to piss off homophobes.

Kurt Cobain

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Homophobia

Someday, I'm going to marry Monday, make him trust me and then I'll finish him off.

Monday

But fame is a strange thing. Some men gain glory after they die, while others fade. What is admired in one generation is abhorred in another.

Madeline Miller in The Song of Achilles

Fame

Christians who pray are like pillars that carry the world.

Martin Luther

Christianity Praying Day of Repentance and Prayer

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, surrounded by a-sholes.

(often misattributed to William Gibson or Sigmund Freud)

Depression

The thing I didn't understand when we talk about cancer or any terminal illness, really. Look at the language we use, the language of battle. We're gonna fight this thing. We're going to fight with everything we've got. Be brave for the fight. And then people say they lost the battle. It's so backwards. I get it. To talk about the fight, it's active, visceral. Don't look at the hard part. Look at all these shiny, sharp weapons we've developed all for you to try.

Dr. Georgina Stanton in The Midnight Club - Season 1 Episode 1

Cancer

The best Quotes by Ricky Gervais

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