Quotes from Rick and Morty

Camping is just being homeless... without the change.

Morty: "I don't deserve this. I was just having fun."
Rick: "So was Jeffrey Dahmer."

If I'm always looking back, I'm never looking ahead. We are who we are because of consequences. You can't live without consequences.

Alien: "I was just reading you."
Rick: "Congratulations on making it into print media. Real bright future there."

You don't get to tell me what to look at, I've seen your Pornhub account! Also, who makes a Pornhub account?

Sorry, got caught up again. God, do I need to take more Adderall or am I taking too much Adderall?

Morty: "I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick."
Rick: "Shut up, Morty, you're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to fucking YouTube. I'll be the judge of when we get too meta."

Morty: "Mom told me she wanted me to stay here to make sure you didn't die."
Jerry: "Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine."
Rick: "Don't train your child to lie, Jerry."

Morty: "I'm dying, Rick!"
Rick: "People who are really dying don't keep bringing it up."
Morty: "Is that true?"
Rick: "I don't know. I'm just usually around people that die faster."

Morty: 'Why don't you admit you don't want anyone else to be happy because you're a sad old fart?'
Rick: 'How do you saddle a fart?'

Dragon: "My name is Balthromaw. Breaker of skies, slayer of mountain."
Rick: "Rule 1: You're now scooper of your own poops, or I will take you down like the black-light poster you are."

You know who's into dragons, Morty? Nerds who refuse to admit they're Christian.

Rick: "Guests are fans, Morty, which we are not. We'd like professional badges."
"Do you have a crew?"
Rick: "Yes. He's a getaway driver with Asperger's and my butthole is a demolitions expert."

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a quick solo adventure to go on - and this one will not be directed by Ron Howard.

Oh, boy, so you actually learned something today? What is this, Full House?

Morty: "You're really this pissed about my mum making sure I'm okay with our adventures?"
Rick: "What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off the Empire State Building? I have to ask?"

Rick: 'Hey Morty, quick favor.'
Morty: 'What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? Fine, yeah, I'm in.'
Rick: 'Wasn't my first pitch but hey, not gonna waste this opportunity.'

Summer: 'It is a hot photo. I think grief flushes her cheeks. Dad, you hardly put any sirup on.'
Beth: 'Honey, stop raising your father's colesterol so you can take a hot funeral selfie.'
Summer: 'I never get to do anything.'

I know that new situations can be intimidating. You look around, and it's all scary and different. But meeting them head-on, charging right into them like a bull, that's how we grow as people.

You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite. I can fix this. Morty, sit here. Summer, you sit here. Now, listen - I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grandpa's concerned, you're both pieces of shit! Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, l-l-let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming, anyways.

Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We're all going to die. Come watch TV?

Morty: 'Rick, can we not leave without my sister?'
Rick: 'Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty. Not that I want to spend the rest of my day looking for another one. Sum-Sum, let's go! Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting.'

Jessica: "I miss you."
Morty: "You miss the old me. You miss someone that loved you so much, you never had to love him back."

Rick: "If it's all the same, could we still get our stories straight? Because you're a terrible liar."
Jerry: "You called me a master convincer!"
Rick: "You believed me?"

So you're half cold, unfeeling reptile, half also cold, equally unfeeling machine? Wow, so your origin is what? You fell into a vat of redundancy?

What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: don’t think about it.

A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2 and it breaks the front page of Reddit. But I'm Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad.

Morty, he's not gonna donate. You're pitching the police men's ball to a black teenager here.

To live is to risk it all. Otherwise you're just an inert chunk of randomly assembled molecules drifting wherever the universe blows you.

Rick: 'Fuck you, Summer! And fuck the government. And fuck me for letting my car down, which I will never do again.'
Morty: 'Jeez, Rick. You can't say FU to your grand-daughter!'
Rick: 'I just did, Morty. Here's dessert: Fuck you!'

You ever hear about Wall Street, Morty? You know what those guys do in their fancy boardrooms? They take their balls and they dip them in cocaine and wipe them all over each other.

Jerry: "Well, traditionally, science faires are a father-son thing."
Rick: "Well, scientifically, traditions are an idiot thing."

You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens, but I made a mistake!

Listen, Morty. I hate to break it to you, but what people call 'Love' is just a chemical reaction that compells animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades.

Jerry: 'I wish that shotgun was my penis.'
Beth: 'If it were, you could call me Ernest Hemingway.'

Sometimes science is more art than science.

Beth: "Do you want homeless people to have homes?"
Jerry: "Yes."
Beth: "Are you gonna build them?"
Jerry: "No."
Beth: "Then what good was the 'yes'?"

Jerry: 'You don't, by any chance, have some sort of crazy science thing you could wrap up, that might help make this dog a little smarter?'
Rick: 'I thought the whole point of having a dog was to feel superior, Jerry. If I were you, I wouldn't pull that thread.'

You're like Hitler! But even Hitler cared about Germany or something.

Jerry: "Why Florida?"
Cat: "Because they don't ask questions. They play Volleyball, they party and they have fun."