Quotes from Rick and Morty

Rick: "Just do a Die Hard!"
Summer: "What does that mean?"
Rick: "Sneak around! Use air vents! You've never seen Die Hard?"
Summer: "I'm 17. No, I've never seen Die Hard."
Rick: "Well, neither did the guy in Die Hard."

Rick: "Wait a minute! Is that Mountain Dew in my quantum-transport-solution?"
Morty: "I saw you were marking the level so I had to top it off."
Rick: "Top it off? Do you know how dangerously toxic this stuff is? And you added it to my portal fluid?"

You don't get to tell anyone what's sad. You're like a one-man Mount Sadmore. So I guess like a Lincoln Sadmorial.

No voting, no debate. It's not a democracy - it's a Rickpublic!

Summer: "I think it's in our best interest to work as a team."
Morty: "Yeah, most people would call that 'family'."

Morty: "Mom, I have a friend coming over. Is that cool?"
Beth: "I told your sister no parties."
Morty: "It's one friend."
Beth: "That's a party to you."

Jerry: "Space sperm? Sperm from... space?"
Rick: "Very impressive verbal forensic work, Jerry."

Morty: "You were a teenager when dad got you pregnant!"
Beth: "I was 17. That's at least 26 in boy years."

Planetina: "Your acid rain is an acid pain... in the butt, Diesel Wiesel!"
Rick: "Yikes! Who's the chick in need of a dialogue pass?"

Morty: "Rick, when you say you made an exact replica of the house, did you mean, like, an exact replica?"
Rick: "I know about the Yosemite T-Shirt, Morty."
Morty: "Shit."
Rick: "You know you can use tissues, right?"
Morty: "I can't finish without it!"

Time without purpose is a prison.

Mr. Nimbus: "Say goodbye to your precious dry land! For soon it will be wet!"
Rick: "Yeah, global warming is already doing that. But sure, yeah, go for it. Make us slightly more wet."

Those called "fools" are the only ones brave enough to see the truth.

Morty: "So, time moves faster in there? Is it like a Narnia thing?"
Rick: "I'm not a beaver who believes in Jesus Christ, Morty. But yeah, it's pretty much a Narnia thing."

I wouldn't lie to you. Well... that's a lie.

Summer: "Someone out there is trying to kill us."
Rick: "Someone's always trying to kill us."

Morty: "I have English homework."
Rick: "You're still learning English? It's the language you speak. How dumb are you?"

Jerry: "Rick! Beth! You love me after all!"
Rick: "Eh, I love her, she loves you. Those credits don't transfer."

Morty: "What are they mad at you for, anyway?"
Rick: "Well, we're talking about me. It could be anything."

Richard, you have desecrated the sacred treaty betwixt land and sea. Now face the wrath of your once and eternal foe - Mr. Nimbus!

I had nothing but time. Endless time. At first, it was madness. Then enlightment. Then madness again. But perhaps it was a gift. I could see the life of time. And as I watched the life of time in all its fleeting, terrible light, I wondered, had I lived? Was I just the object in another's story? Was that all I ever was? Could I be more? I had nothing but time and still no answer. Time without purpose is a prison. I have glimpsed into the mind of eternity. Perhaps the mind of God. And found nothing but silence.

Camping is just being homeless... without the change.

Morty: "I don't deserve this. I was just having fun."
Rick: "So was Jeffrey Dahmer."

If I'm always looking back, I'm never looking ahead. We are who we are because of consequences. You can't live without consequences.

Alien: "I was just reading you."
Rick: "Congratulations on making it into print media. Real bright future there."

You don't get to tell me what to look at, I've seen your Pornhub account! Also, who makes a Pornhub account?

Sorry, got caught up again. God, do I need to take more Adderall or am I taking too much Adderall?

Morty: "I don't like how meta this is getting, Rick."
Rick: "Shut up, Morty, you're 14. You watch videos of people on YouTube reacting to fing YouTube. I'll be the judge of when we get too meta."

Morty: "Mom told me she wanted me to stay here to make sure you didn't die."
Jerry: "Well, you tell your mother that I'm gonna be fine."
Rick: "Don't train your child to lie, Jerry."

Morty: "I'm dying, Rick!"
Rick: "People who are really dying don't keep bringing it up."
Morty: "Is that true?"
Rick: "I don't know. I'm just usually around people that die faster."

Morty: "Why don't you admit you don't want anyone else to be happy because you're a sad old fart?"
Rick: "How do you saddle a fart?"

Dragon: "My name is Balthromaw. Breaker of skies, slayer of mountain."
Rick: "Rule 1: You're now scooper of your own poops, or I will take you down like the black-light poster you are."

You know who's into dragons, Morty? Nerds who refuse to admit they're Christian.

Rick: "Guests are fans, Morty, which we are not. We'd like professional badges."
"Do you have a crew?"
Rick: "Yes. He's a getaway driver with Asperger's and my butt is a demolitions expert."

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a quick solo adventure to go on - and this one will not be directed by Ron Howard.

Oh, boy, so you actually learned something today? What is this, Full House?

Morty: "You're really this pissed about my mum making sure I'm okay with our adventures?"
Rick: "What's next, Morty? What if I want you to jump off the Empire State Building? I have to ask?"

Rick: "Hey Morty, quick favor."
Morty: "What, cover me in gasoline and spiders? Fine, yeah, I'm in."
Rick: "Wasn't my first pitch but hey, not gonna waste this opportunity."

So you're mining stuff to craft with and crafting stuff to mine with? Did your dad write this game?

Summer: "It is a hot photo. I think grief flushes her cheeks. Dad, you hardly put any sirup on."
Beth: "Honey, stop raising your father's colesterol so you can take a hot funeral selfie."
Summer: "I never get to do anything."

I know that new situations can be intimidating. You look around, and it's all scary and different. But meeting them head-on, charging right into them like a bull, that's how we grow as people.

You're both young, you're both unsure about your place in the universe, and you both want to be Grandpa's favorite. I can fix this. Morty, sit here. Summer, you sit here. Now, listen - I know the two of you are very different from each other in a lot of ways, but you have to understand that as far as Grandpa's concerned, you're both pieces of sh-! Yeah, I can prove it mathematically. Actually, l-l-let me grab my whiteboard. This has been a long time coming, anyways.

Weddings are basically funerals with cake.

Nobody exists on purpose. Nobody belongs anywhere. We're all going to die. Come watch TV?

Morty: "Rick, can we not leave without my sister?"
Rick: "Ugh. You have infinite sisters, Morty. Not that I want to spend the rest of my day looking for another one. Sum-Sum, let's go! Grandpa's concern for your safety is fleeting."

Jessica: "I miss you."
Morty: "You miss the old me. You miss someone that loved you so much, you never had to love him back."

Rick: "If it's all the same, could we still get our stories straight? Because you're a terrible liar."
Jerry: "You called me a master convincer!"
Rick: "You believed me?"

So you're half cold, unfeeling reptile, half also cold, equally unfeeling machine? Wow, so your origin is what? You fell into a vat of redundancy?

What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, Morty? The answer is: don't think about it.

A dad makes a toilet look like R2-D2 and it breaks the front page of Reddit. But I'm Charles Manson because I gave you your own world instead of an iPad.