The best Quotes by Red Forman

Eric: "Oh, you're getting in that car or my foot is getting in your ass!"
Red: "I have never been prouder. It's like watching you hit your first home run... if you had ever done that."

Ah, teenagers! I feel for you, son. But, on the other hand - payback's a b*tch!

Why, I bet you're a holy terror on the basketball court. I hear you got your mom's jump shot and your dad's... last name.

Red: "It's gonna be a long day."
Bob: "Hey there, hi there, ho there!"
Red: "Aaand it just got longer."

That is a great idea. Because when you stand behind your kids, it's easier... to put your foot in their a-s.

Kitty: "I have to make a shopping list. The kids are gonna want snacks."
Red: "Don't feed them, Kitty! That's how it started the first time."

If they go in my room, my foot goes in their a-s!

Red: "Get out!"
Kitty: "We never lock the sliding door."
Red: "We do now."

I guess I have done some crazy things. One time at the beach, a seagull stole my sandwich, and, under my breath, I called her "b*tch".

I'm sorry, babe, but you're both important to me. But Jay's had my back for the past twelve years, and you've had my front for the last six months. I can't choose.

Eric: "Are her parents home?"
Leia: "No, but her older brother is."
Kitty: "Honey, you're really not helping your case."

Gwen: "Sorry. I love making people feel uncomfortable."
Leia: "You're really good at it."

Eric: "Know what the worst part is? I should be treasuring time with Leia. Instead, I mean, I can't wait for it to end."
Kitty: "Oh, sweetie. It ends when you die."

Eric: "I'm an adjunct professor now, which means I got a permanent parking space... for my bicycle. That's what happens when your course is super popular, Dad."
Red: "'The Religion of Star Wars'? This country's gonna lose the next war."
Eric: "Not if it's an intergalactic battle between good and evil."

Nate: "This whiny v*gina music is bumming me out!"
Gwen: "Me and my new friend are gonna start a band and call it Whiny V*gina."
Nate: "I'm gonna start a band and call it That's Stupid."

Master Yoda was a puppet from a fake world with some guy's hand up his butt.

I brought you some fresh Florida oranges. I used 'em as a pillow on the plane. So if you find any curly hairs in there, that's me.

I'm a pretty big deal in Debate Club. That's not up for debate! ...Yeah, I'm not popular.

I'm going to get Fritos, Tostitos, Doritos... all the "itos". I am back, baby!

Nate: "Wow, look, Nik. A shooting star. Make a wish!"
Nikki: "That's a firework, babe."

Nikki: "Do you wanna hear about the Donkey Kong conspiracy? He's a gorilla!"
Nate: "It's kinda like how Sheryl Crow isn't actually a crow."

I love having the house full again. It just fills me with joy.

If you're worried about fitting in with everyone else, you found the people who don't fit in.

Red: "Lights on, shirts on, and no dancing!"
Leia: "No dancing. You're like the guy from Footloose."

The internet has been a boon and a curse for teenagers.

Abstinence is a healthy choice, that many teens will make. Either by choice, or, as I can attest, by circumstance.