The best Quotes by Reagan Ridley

What's the point of unchecked power if we don't abuse it?

I actually need a mediocre white man to act as a human shield and social lubricant while I accomplish my real goals.

Brett Hand: "Question. Is this place evil?"
Reagan: "Uh, is Facebook evil? Is Starbucks evil?"

This is my lab, where everything is peaceful, efficient, and the thermostat is controlled entirely by me. Someday, I hope to make the whole world like this. Efficient that is, not controlled entirely by me. That would be totally egomaniacal. I would never do that.

I skipped grades and showers to prove that despite my dad's legacy I can run the shit out of this office.

Scheimpough: "I don't need to look at your eye-bags to know you've been working hard."
Reagan: "Thank you, sir. And I am prepared for them to get deeper."

Don't listen to my father, kids. He gets his news from Facebook and Ambien.

Once the withdrawal finally wore off, I realized sobriety agrees with me. So I took a shower, combed the cigarette ash out of my pubes and - boom - sober Rand is back.

Daddy needs a new liver, honey. Can you grab one from the organ lab? It's urgent. Also, some booze. Just something to make the new live feel at home.

I am not going back to my last job doing PR for the Kims. Kardashian and Jong-un. One of them has killed hundreds, and it's not the one you think.

Can you believe they'd even think of firing me? I've invented almost as many cures as diseases!

We had to make cutbacks. I already eliminated the department that puts backwards messages on vinyl records.

It's my second week and my third can of Axe body spray.

Reagan: "You were fired for getting drunk and trying to blow up the sun."
Rand: "I was gonna cure skin cancer!"

I invented selfies to trick the country into surveilling themselves.

You are so funny I could just assassinate you. No, really I could do it. My finger's hovering over the button.

Reagan: "Has retirement made you go completely insane?"
Rand: "No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have."

The world is controlled by shadowy elites and shape-shifting lizard people. Have you ever folded a one-dollar-bill? Look, you can make it say "boobs". What does that mean? Am I the only one who cares that the President is a robot?

I threw my 20th birthday party at Brown, and I didn't even have to say to anyone not to put pictures on Facebook. Not a single picture went up. That was when I knew I’d found a solid group of friends, and I felt like I belonged.

Hercules, huh? That guy was like the Starbucks of Ancient Greece. Everywhere you turn - there he is.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"