The best Quotes by Rajesh Koothrappali

Raj: "Hey, look, I found an iPod!"
Howard: "Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?"
Raj: "What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

eBay

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 16

Leonard: "The only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half."
Rajesh: "Sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

Howard: "We need a hot fifteen-year-old asian girl with a thing for smart guys."
Penny: "What?"
Leonard: "Howard, that's racist! Any fifteen-year-old girl will do the trick."
Rajesh: "It's possible she may have missunderstood us."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 12

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That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 11

California

Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 7

Physics

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 10

Sheldon: "Why do people cry at weddings?"
Mary: "They're practicing for what's coming later."

Mary Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 10 Episode 1

This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 3 Episode 22

Leonard: "I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Penny: "And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'."
Leonard: "When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 8

Gosh, Amy, I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette Rostenkowski in The Big Bang Theory

Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 20

Universe Physics Quantum Mechanics

'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 7

Rajesh: "I don't know if I want to play anymore."
Sheldon: "Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 4

Dungeons & Dragons Pen & Paper

Sheldon: "At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?"
Leonard: "At the hands of your roommate?"
Sheldon: "An accident."
Leonard: "That's how I'm going to make it look."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 2

Sheldon: "I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity."
Penny: "Oh God!"
Sheldon: "Yes, exactly."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 1

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
Sheldon: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "Yes, I will go out with you."
Leonard: "Really?"
Penny: "Yeah. Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?"
Leonard: "Yeah. That's the spirit!"

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "What a cute, little store... everybody's staring at me?"
Leonard: "Don't worry, they're more scared of you, than you are of them."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 20

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 19

Physics Quantum Mechanics

Leonard: "You owe me another two dollars, the price of moo shu pork went up."
Howard: "It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 14

Judaism Pigs

My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divided up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 14

Leonard: "Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed."
Sheldon: "Why Penny?"
Leonard: "Because rock breaks scissors."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 5

Penny

Howard: "You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin."
Sheldon: "Why?"
Howard: "Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 15

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it.

Jay Leno

Lawyer eBay

Come on. Let’s see how much we’re going for on eBay.

Hamm in Toy Story

eBay

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries

Sex Erotic Quotes

Sheldon: "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of having sexual congress with this woman?"
Leonard: "Men do things for women without expecting sex."
Sheldon: "Those would be men who just had sex."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sex

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have icecream 'til after dinner, but then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream - and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 7

Ice Cream

Quick, look! Up in the sky! Look at that scorching sun, it's like a blast furnace! You know what this means? It means we have to drop everything, right now, and make a run for the ice cream store! We need to get two of the biggest cones they sell, and then it's an all-out race to see who can finish before it melts!

Navia in Genshin Impact

Ice Cream

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sarcasm

Leonard: "I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle..."
Sheldon: "Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.'"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 2

Leslie Winkle

Sheldon: "I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me."
Leonard: "That narrows it down."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 4

Penny: "Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, not having sex at the end of the night."
Leonard: "Sounds like most of my dates."

Leonard Hofstadter in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 9

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 3

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish? 'Cause I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 15

Judaism

Penny: "You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory... people order cheesecake and I bring it to them."
Leonard: "So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?"
Penny: "Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage."

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sheldon: "You realize that the technology
that went into this arm, will one day make unskilled food servers, such as yourself, obsolete?"
Penny: "Really? They're gonna make a robot, that spits on your hamburger?"

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 1

Penny: "Wow, a girl scientist."
Leslie: "Yep, come for the breast, stay for the brains."

Leslie Winkle in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 5

Leonard: "Anyway, I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay."
Leslie: "Wait, are you asking me out?"

Leslie Winkle in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 3

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

The best Quotes by Rajesh Koothrappali

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