The best Quotes by Rajesh Koothrappali

Raj: "Hey, look, I found an iPod!"
Howard: "Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?"
Raj: "What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'."

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.

Leonard: "The only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half."
Rajesh: "Sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from."

Howard: "We need a hot fifteen-year-old asian girl with a thing for smart guys."
Penny: "What?"
Leonard: "Howard, that's racist! Any fifteen-year-old girl will do the trick."
Rajesh: "It's possible she may have missunderstood us."

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Sheldon: "Why do people cry at weddings?"
Mary: "They're practicing for what's coming later."

This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Leonard: "I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Penny: "And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'."
Leonard: "When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it."

Gosh, Amy, I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked.

'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!

Rajesh: "I don't know if I want to play anymore."
Sheldon: "Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."

Sheldon: "At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?"
Leonard: "At the hands of your roommate?"
Sheldon: "An accident."
Leonard: "That's how I'm going to make it look."

Sheldon: "I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity."
Penny: "Oh God!"
Sheldon: "Yes, exactly."

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."

Penny: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
Sheldon: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."

Penny: "Yes, I will go out with you."
Leonard: "Really?"
Penny: "Yeah. Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?"
Leonard: "Yeah. That's the spirit!"

Penny: "What a cute, little store... everybody's staring at me?"
Leonard: "Don't worry, they're more scared of you, than you are of them."

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Leonard: "You owe me another two dollars, the price of moo shu pork went up."
Howard: "It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew."

My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divided up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.

Leonard: "Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed."
Sheldon: "Why Penny?"
Leonard: "Because rock breaks scissors."

Howard: "You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin."
Sheldon: "Why?"
Howard: "Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me."

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it.

Come on. Let’s see how much we’re going for on eBay.

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Sheldon: "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of having sexual congress with this woman?"
Leonard: "Men do things for women without expecting sex."
Sheldon: "Those would be men who just had sex."

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have icecream 'til after dinner, but then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream - and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.

Quick, look! Up in the sky! Look at that scorching sun, it's like a blast furnace! You know what this means? It means we have to drop everything, right now, and make a run for the ice cream store! We need to get two of the biggest cones they sell, and then it's an all-out race to see who can finish before it melts!

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Leonard: "I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim... Leslie Winkle..."
Sheldon: "Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word 'plenty' has been redefined to mean 'two.'"

Sheldon: "I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me."
Leonard: "That narrows it down."

Penny: "Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, not having sex at the end of the night."
Leonard: "Sounds like most of my dates."

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish? 'Cause I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Penny: "You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory... people order cheesecake and I bring it to them."
Leonard: "So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?"
Penny: "Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage."

Sheldon: "You realize that the technology
that went into this arm, will one day make unskilled food servers, such as yourself, obsolete?"
Penny: "Really? They're gonna make a robot, that spits on your hamburger?"

Penny: "Wow, a girl scientist."
Leslie: "Yep, come for the breast, stay for the brains."

Leonard: "Anyway, I was thinking more of a bio-social exploration with a neuro-chemical overlay."
Leslie: "Wait, are you asking me out?"

When you lose everything, that's when you're finally free.