Quotes by Piper Chapman

Larry Bloom: "Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup."
Piper Chapman: "Well, you put your pee stick in my vagina. And that's why we're in this situation."

Sam Healy: "It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejaculation."
Piper: "No! No. No, it's not. This is real."
Sam Healy: "How is it real? Wait, which?"
Piper: "The chicken. And the... the chicken."

Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose, if you're trying to snort crack? I think you mean coke.

Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.

Oh my God, Larry, by the time I get out, there will've been like three new generations of iPhones!

Come on, we gotta rally. Make some memories.