The best Quotes by Phyllis Diller

The best Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Phyllis Ada Diller (née Driver; July 17, 1917 – August 20, 2012) was an American stand-up comedian, actress, author, musician, and visual artist.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

1

Laughing & Smile

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Women Quotes about Football/Soccer Fashion

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Christmas Funny Quotes Offices

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

School Funny Quotes

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That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.

Sebastian Wilder in La La Land

1

Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.

Joe Goldberg in You - Season 2 Episode 2

1

I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.

Catherine O'Hara

1

Linda: "Why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?"
Lucifer: "The same reason as everyone else: the weather, p*rnstars, Mexican food."

Lucifer Morningstar in Lucifer - Season 1 Episode 3

1

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Craig Kilborn

Los Angeles was the kind of place where everybody was from somewhere else and nobody really droppped anchor.

Michael Connelly in The Lincoln Lawyer - The Brass Verdict

The L.A. weather is a lot like Taiwan's, where you don't observe four seasons, so the years can pass and you don't feel a thing.

Los Angeles Taiwan

You're lucky we're not in Los Angeles, because Angelinos can smell BS a mile away.

Melinda Monroe in Virgin River - Season 1 Episode 1

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

Lalo Salamanca in Better Call Saul - Season 6 Episode 5

California New Mexico

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

Lex Luthor in Superman

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Gloria Swanson

1

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

Linus Torvalds

California Helsinki

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Joan Didion

Things are tough all over, cupcake. An' it rains on the just an' the unjust alike... except in California.

Silk Spectre in Watchmen -

1

Justice California

I read the Life magazine articles about free love and free dope in California. At age 20 I drove to Los Angeles.

Los Angeles California

Biden has won so many times in Michigan now.
He's legally required to change his name to Ohio State.

There's nothing wrong with Ohio
Except the snow and the rain

Bowling for Soup - Ohio (Come Back to Texas), Album: A Hangover You Don’t Deserve

East Coast style + Midwest charm = Ohio girl

Coming from southeast Ohio it's a very impoverished area and the poverty rate is almost two times the national average.

Joe Burrow - December 2019

Ohio girls - the kind of girl you can take home to meet your mom, but can outdrink your dad.

Home is where the heart is and the heart is in Ohio.

If you don't like the weather in Southern Ohio, just wait 15 minutes.

Ohio girls have that inner glow that makes them more beautiful than any other girl.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

8

Alcohol Funny Quotes

"There's perfect men around every corner", said God an made the Earth round.

5

Funny Quotes Singles & Dating

Working out makes people more comfortable with their naked bodies. So does Tequila.

3

Funny Quotes Tequila Being naked

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Carlin

2

Funny Quotes Santa Claus Bad Girls

My son Jack once said to me, "Dad, do you think people are laughing with you or at you?"
I said, "I don't care as long as they're laughing."

Ozzy Osbourne

Laughing & Smile

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

Louis de Funès

2

Laughing & Smile

You should never trust a woman who just had her heart broken. We tend to lie.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 12

18

When a woman quits on a man, she either got enough of him or she didn't get enough from him.

Marcel Aymé

10

Women Relationships

I fell in love with football as I was later to fall in love with women: suddenly, inexplicably, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain or disruption it would bring with it.

Nick Hornby in Fever Pitch

3

Quotes about Football/Soccer Falling in love

Fifa cannot sit by and see greed rule the football world. Nor shall we.

Sepp Blatter

1

Quotes about Football/Soccer FIFA Association

Fashion fades, only style remains the same.

Coco Chanel

2

I'm like every other woman: a closet full of clothes, but nothing to wear: So I wear jeans.

Cameron Diaz

1

Women Fashion Jeans

For it is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child Himself.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

6

Children & Childhood Christmas

I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future.

Charles Dickens in A Christmas Carol

4

Dumbledore: "So Mr. Scamander fears what more than anything else in the world?"
Newt: "Having to work in an office, sir."

Newt Scamander in Fantastic Beasts - 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald

1

Work is great. So, always keep something for tomorrow!

Offices After Work

Neither comprehension nor learning can take place in an atmosphere of anxiety.

Rose Kennedy

Learning School

I'm not sure whose twisted idea it was to put hundreds of adolescents in underfunded schools run by people whose dreams were crushed years ago... but I admire the sadism.

Wednesday Addams in Wednesday - Season 1 Episode 1

1

School High School

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

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