The best Quotes by Pepper Saltzman

Sal: "Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic."
Pepper: "How does she breastfeed him if she doesn't let him near plastic?"

Modern Family - Season 6 Episode 15

Boobs

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The good news is, Luke has his bike.
More good news, I taught some random kid a valuable lesson by stealing his bike.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 3

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire, or fear how much I love her.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 5 Episode 1

Jay: "I got you a little gift to celebrate. I know it’s not much...-"
Gloria: "It’s practically nothing!"

Gloria Pritchett in Modern Family - Season 6 Episode 22

Gifts & Presents

Mitchell: "We didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We kinda have some big news."
Jay: "Oh God, if Cam comes out there with boobs, I'm leaving."

Jay Pritchett in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

Phil: "What a beautiful dress."
Gloria: "Thank you, Phil."
Phil: "Oh, okay."
Claire: "Phil! She said Phil, not feel!"

Claire Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

Mitchell: "It's been five years now and he still does this thing were he announces himself before walking into any room we're in, just to make sure he doesn't ever see us kiss."
Cameron: "Wish my mother had that system. Remember?"

Cameron Tucker in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

Phil: "Little heads up - there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding."
Claire: "Phil, you cried on the way here."
Phil: "I was on the brink already. I watched 'Dirty Dancing' before we left."

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 5 Episode 1

Dirty Dancing

Gloria: "It seemd like all what we did was fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out of the window together."
Jay: "Which one were you doing?"

Jay Pritchett in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm a cool dad. That's my thang. I surf the web... I text LOL - Laugh Out Loud, OMG - Oh My God, WTF - Why The Face.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

Mitchell: "we've decided we really wanted to have a baby so, we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate."
Cameron: "Then we figured, they already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?"

Cameron Tucker in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

Alex: "Luke got his head stuck in the banister again."
Phil: "I got it. Where's the babyoil?"
Claire: "It's on our bedside tip- I Don't know, find it!"

Claire Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 1 Episode 1

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Cameron Tucker in Modern Family - Season 3 Episode 9

Dreaming Reality

Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1

Boobs

Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20

Boobs

My metabolism is all messed up. See, I can moose down a pint of fudge ripple for a midnight snack and wake up having lost weight. Well, everywhere except for my boobs. So annoying.

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 4

Boobs

So you're pregnant? Huh, looks like nobody told your boobs.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 12

Boobs

Barney: "I cannot stop staring at that girl's face."
Ted: "Face, huh? That's your weirdest nickname for boobs yet."

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 4

Boobs

A study shows breast implants can cause nausea and dizziness... from all the free drinks.

Craig Kilborn

Boobs

Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family

Success

Alex: "What's Jagermeister?"
Phil: "Well, you know how in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family

Jägermeister

Haley: "Dad, can you just please tell mom, that I can take a two hour break and go to a party?"
Phil: "No Ma'am, I'm not stepping into that one. We're not playing 'good cop - mom'.'"

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family - Season 2 Episode 3

You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family

Watch a sunrise at least once a day.

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family

Sunrise

When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, "What?!"

Phil Dunphy in Modern Family

Zitronen

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

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