Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.ShoesJohn Green in Paper Towns
Carrie: "Something Iike 85% aren't circumcised."
Charlotte: "Great, now they're taking over the world!"
Carrie: "It's a penis, not Godzilla."
Of course it's hard to understand women...
if you think with your dick instead of your heart.
Tom's packin'! We're talkin' big, circus big. So big, he can drive in the car pool lane when he's alone. If it falls in the forest, believe me - it makes a sound. The Washington monument looks at it and says, "I want to be you when I grow up!"Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives, Season 7 Episode 9
It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.SexGabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives, Season 1 Episode 1
Lily: "We'll all have a wedding dress camp-out. It'll be fun!"
Barney: "I can't go. I've got this thing."
Lily: "What thing?"
Barney: "A penis!"
If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility.Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother, Season 6 Episode 17
Getting up is the second hardest thing in the morning...BedUnknown
Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your d-ck gets hard. Your d-ck is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this. Taggart's d-ck is hard, but he won't let you know, 'cause he's the boss. Boss' d-ck got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on duty, so my d-ck can be hard.Beverly Hills Cop, by Axel Foley
I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.ShowerHome Alone - 2: Lost in New York, by Kevin McCallister
I'm just different. I like to do things using my head rather than my penis - that's different, right?Antonio DePína in The Circle, Season 1 Episode 1
Varys: "He's a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a c-ck is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."
Be proud of your penis and your heritage. 'Cause neither are going anywhere. You should work with what you've got.Otis Milburn in Sex Education, Season 1 Episode 1
You can't lose your virginity to a tampon. It has to be a penis with a man attached.Sammi Slott in Shameless, Season 4
Prison sentences are a lot like penises. If they're used correctly, even a short one can do the trick... is a rumor I have heard.PrisonsJohn Oliver (Last Week Tonight), Mandatory Minimums
Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black, Season 1 Episode 1
My brain: it's my second favorite organ.BrainWoody Allen