Quotes and Sayings about Penisses

Dude, I don't want to talk about Lacey's prom shoes. And I'll tell you why: I have this thing that makes me really uninterested in prom shoes. It's called a penis.

John Green in Paper Towns

Shoes

Carrie: "Something Iike 85% aren't circumcised."
Charlotte: "Great, now they're taking over the world!"
Carrie: "It's a penis, not Godzilla."

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 9

Of course it's hard to understand women...
if you think with your dick instead of your heart.

Men & Women

Tom's packin'! We're talkin' big, circus big. So big, he can drive in the car pool lane when he's alone. If it falls in the forest, believe me - it makes a sound. The Washington monument looks at it and says, "I want to be you when I grow up!"

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 7 Episode 9

It's like my grandmother always said: An erect penis doesn't have a conscience.

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives - Season 1 Episode 1

Sex

Lily: "We'll all have a wedding dress camp-out. It'll be fun!"
Barney: "I can't go. I've got this thing."
Lily: "What thing?"
Barney: "A penis!"

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 15

If I got serious with Nora, it would be like if Mother Teresa focused all her attention on one really hot orphan. With great penis comes great responsibility.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 17

Mother Teresa

Big dick energy is gender-neutral.

Casey McQuiston in One Last Stop

Getting up is the second hardest thing in the morning...

Bed

Billy, you know, you don't have to be embarrassed if your d-ck gets hard. Your d-ck is supposed to get hard. See? That's the whole object of this. Taggart's d-ck is hard, but he won't let you know, 'cause he's the boss. Boss' d-ck got to stay limp, right? See, I ain't on duty, so my d-ck can be hard.

Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Kevin McCallister in Home Alone - 2: Lost in New York

Shower Uncles & Aunties

I'm just different. I like to do things using my head rather than my penis - that's different, right?

Antonio DePína in The Circle - Season 1 Episode 1

The d makes the world go round!

Romeo in Sky Rojo - Season 1 Episode 7

In my naivety I always assumed that women would somehow be better than men. But I guess arseholes will always be arseholes, it doesn't really matter if they have a penis or a v*gina.

Lisa Novak in How to Sell Drugs Online (Fast) - Season 2 Episode 2

Vaginas

Varys: "He's a man, which makes him more appealing to the lords of Westeros, whose support we are going to need."
Tyrion: "Joffrey was a man. I don't think a c-ck is a true qualification, as I'm sure you'd agree."

Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones - Season 8 Episode 4

Phillip: "Did he pitch a tent?"
Karen: "Huh?"
Phillip: "Did you make him hard?"
Karen: "Ever try to play pool with a rope?"

Karen Jackson in Shameless - Season 1 Episode 1

Be proud of your penis and your heritage. 'Cause neither are going anywhere. You should work with what you've got.

Otis Milburn in Sex Education - Season 1 Episode 1

You can't lose your virginity to a tampon. It has to be a penis with a man attached.

Sammi Slott in Shameless - Season 4

Prison sentences are a lot like penises. If they're used correctly, even a short one can do the trick... is a rumor I have heard.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - Mandatory Minimums

Prisons

Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.

Piper Chapman in Orange Is the New Black - Season 1 Episode 1

Lance Armstrong

My brain: it's my second favorite organ.

Woody Allen

Brain

A dick has a sad life: His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a p*ssy, & his owner beats him.

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If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries

Sex Erotic Quotes

Sheldon: "You do understand that our efforts here will in no way increase the odds of having sexual congress with this woman?"
Leonard: "Men do things for women without expecting sex."
Sheldon: "Those would be men who just had sex."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sex

Don't do drugs, don't have unprotected sex, don't be violent... leave that to me.

Eminem

Sex Violence Drugs

Caus' you see, for me, sex is a sport, like racquetball. Play hard for half an hour, work up a sweat and hope you don't get hit in the eye.

Perry Cox in Scrubs - Season 2 Episode 2

Sex

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

When you find a man you wish to marry, Tessa, remember this: You will know what kind of man he is not by the things he says, but by the things he does.

Cassandra Clare in The Infernal Devices

Lies Men Taking action Talking

Keep true to the dreams of thy youth.

Friedrich Schiller in Don Carlos

Youth Men Birthday Age

Men may be stronger, but it is women who endure.

Cassandra Clare in The Infernal Devices

Men Women

As long as you know men are like children, you know everything!

Coco Chanel

Men

The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. And if you hate me, that means you still care.

Bree Van De Kamp in Desperate Housewives - Season 2 Episode 16

Love Hatred Indifference

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 3

Breakup Beginning

I love you. It means we take care of each other. It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit.

Mickey Milkovich in Shameless - Season 5 Episode 12

Love declerations

If you judge people, you have no time to love them.

Mother Teresa

Love

A life spent defensively, worried, is a life wasted.

Lance Armstrong

Life Fear Courage Motivation

That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.

John Green in The Fault in Our Stars

Pain

I'm Starting to realize that people lack good mirrors. It's so hard for anyone to show us how we look, and so hard for us to show anyone how we feel.

John Green in Paper Towns

Mirrors

Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shows can change your life.

Cinderella Shoes Shopping

Did I ever really love Big or was I addicted to the pain? The exquisite pain of wanting someone so unattainable.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 12

Breakup

If he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly... as an a-shole!

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 6

Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.

Natalie Portman

Intelligence Men & Women Singles & Dating

I want him to have what he wants - if it's what I want.

Lynette Scavo in Desperate Housewives - Season 3 Episode 6

Gabrielle Solis: "I never bragged."
Lynette Scavo: "You once called your face 'proof of God's existence'."

Gabrielle Solis in Desperate Housewives

Sometimes the point is to be sad, August. Sometimes you just have to feel it because it deserves to be felt.

Casey McQuiston in One Last Stop

Of course I love you. I could go back in time and have a whole life and get old and never see you again, and you would still be it. You were— you are the love of my life.

Casey McQuiston in One Last Stop

Love declerations

Young boys should never be sent to bed... they always wake up a day older.

Finding Neverland

Children & Childhood Bed

I never been in no cell that had a phone in it. Can I stay for a while? 'Cause I ordered some pizza.

Axel Foley in Beverly Hills Cop

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

Old Man Marley in Home Alone

Quotes and Sayings about Penisses

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