The best Quotes from Orange Is the New Black

The best Quotes from Orange Is the New Black

Orange Is the New Black (OITNB) is an American comedy-drama streaming television series created by Jenji Kohan for Netflix. The series is based on Piper Kerman's memoir Orange Is the New Black: My Year in a Women's Prison (2010).

You're a beautiful, sweet girl. F*ck this guy!

Nicky Nichols

1

What do I think love is? It's like when someone makes your stomach feel all tight, but floaty at the same time, you know? And your cheeks hurt from smiling. And you smile so much, that people think something's wrong with you.
...And also f*cking. Twenty-four seven, deep-dick, can't-walk-right f*cking.

Aleida Diaz

1

"What's love to you?"
Flaca: "It's like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.' There's mood lighting all over, and there's like five dudes massaging you."
Maritza: "And you have a pizza!"
Flaca: "She's right. You also have a pizza."

Marisol 'Flaca' Gonzales & Maritza Ramos

2

All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb it's power.

Galina 'Red' Reznikov

1

You gotta move...The f*ck...On!

Gloria Mendoza

1

If I hadn't buried my feelings so deep I would totally be tearing up right now.

Maritza Ramos

1

Pain is always there cause life is freaking painful, okay?

Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett

1

I would very much like to return your witty banter, but I am too exhausted to be clever.

Galina 'Red' Reznikov

1

I hate it when you talk sometimes. No... all the time.

Nicky Nichols

1

Rule Number One: Don't ever fall in love with a straight girl.

1

(Love is) pain, horrible pain, that you want again and again.

Sophia Burset

2

You need to figure out what the f*ck you want.

Nicky Nichols

1

I'm not surviving, I'm just existing.

Brook Soso - Season 3

1

I'm pretty much the master of handling things completely wrong.

1

Well, I think that... when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know?

1

It's like...It's like I'm a f*cked-up-shit magnet.

1

Stop crying. Remember? Crying makes you ugly and weak.

Dayanara Diaz

1

If you want my advice? Get out of your own goddamn drama for a minute.

Nicky Nichols

1

Jesus was a f-g! He said: 'This is my body. Eat me.'

Big Boo - Season 3

1

I hate kids. They don't drink, they haven't travelled...

Nicky Nichols

1

I am not crazy. I am unique.

Suzanne Warren

5

There's always hope tomorrow'll be taco night.

Nicky Nichols

1

Larry Bloom: "Are we at least gonna talk about other options?"
Piper Chapman: "You mean..."
Larry Bloom: "It's not Voldemort, you can say it. Abortion."

Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 8

Larry Bloom: "Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup."
Piper Chapman: "Well, you put your pee stick in my v*gina. And that's why we're in this situation."

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 8

The only difference between us is, when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught.

Susan Fischer - Season 1 Episode 7

Joe Caputo: "You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something."
Susan Fischer: "Poodle."
Joe Caputo: "That is good, I didn't think of that one."

Joe Caputo - Season 1 Episode 7

Or I look single, 34 and single, which must mean there's something wrong with me. Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks, or I have a very special relationship with my mother.

Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 7

Piper: "Not every Hispanic person wants the same thing."
Lorna: "Oh, sure they do. They all want to come to America."
Nicky: "Jesus, your entire world view is based on 'West Side Story', isn't it?"

Nicky Nichols - Season 1 Episode 6

West Side Story

She's gotta start working on tightening her p*ssy muscles, 'cause her fiance's dick is so small, it's like a hot dog in a hallway.

Nicky Nichols - Season 1 Episode 6

Sam Healy: "It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejac*lation."
Piper: "No! No. No, it's not. This is real."
Sam Healy: "How is it real? Wait, which?"
Piper: "The chicken. And the... the chicken."

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 5

What the hell is the matter with you? You tryin' out for the retard Olympics?

George 'Pornstache' Mendez - Season 1 Episode 5

Red: "Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen."
Piper: "Why, because all black people love chicken?"
Red: "Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin, and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken."

Galina 'Red' Reznikov - Season 1 Episode 5

P*rnstache: "You are not an agent of God, okay? God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right?"
Pennsatucky: "Know what?"
P*rnstache: "Jesus Christ, how the f*ck did you survive infancy?"
Pennsatucky: "My auntie helped my momma..."
P*rnstache: "That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a f*cking rhetorical question is?"

George 'Pornstache' Mendez - Season 1 Episode 5

Pennsatucky: "It weren't my fault. I was just doing as the Spirit commanded."
Pussey: "F*ck are you? Joan of Arc?"
Pennsatucky: "No, I'm from Waynesboro, my name is Tiffany..."

Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett - Season 1 Episode 5

Lorna Morello: "I need to start tightening up. You're making me feel like a cave."
Nicky Nichols: "Baby, it's a c*nt, it stretches!"
Lorna Morello: "Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb."

Lorna Morello - Season 1 Episode 5

I'm missing half my zucchini. These girls don't realize I'm here to provide food, not d*ldos.

Galina 'Red' Reznikov - Season 1 Episode 3

Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today.

Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 3

Guard: "Inmate, step away from the machine."
Larry: "He just called you 'inmate'."
Guard: "You too, sir."
Larry: "Sorry."

Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 2

Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose, if you're trying to snort crack? I think you mean coke.

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 2

Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1

Lance Armstrong Penisses

Oh my God, Larry, by the time I get out, there will've been like three new generations of iPhones!

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1

Larry: "Where would you like me to put it then, Piper?"
Piper: "Up your ass."
Larry: "There's no room. Apparently, my head's already up there."

Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 1

Come on, we gotta rally. Make some memories.

Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1

Larry: "She's guilty she's leaving. It's a guilt pig roasting box."
Pete: "At least you get something. I'm not getting laid for a year too. But what do I get?"
Larry: "A baby?"
Pete: "You can't eat it."

Pete Harper - Season 1 Episode 1

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I am so like Donna it's funny. And most of my friends are guys too.

Laura Prepon

I feel like I just have such the blood and bones of a New Yorker that I can almost imagine better, like, giving up the fight and not being able to afford the city and going out West, keeping a small place here, and then when I'm like 80, coming back here, living on the park and going to the theater.

Natasha Lyonne

Why would I need friends if I have you?

Ruby Rose in RWBY - Season 1 Episode 2

Related pages to Orange Is the New Black

Nicky Nichols

Piper Chapman

Larry Bloom

Laura Prepon

Natasha Lyonne

Galina 'Red' Reznikov

Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett