What do I think love is? It's like when someone makes your stomach feel all tight, but floaty at the same time, you know? And your cheeks hurt from smiling. And you smile so much, that people think something's wrong with you.
...And also f*cking. Twenty-four seven, deep-dick, can't-walk-right f*cking.
...And also f*cking. Twenty-four seven, deep-dick, can't-walk-right f*cking.
"What's love to you?"
Flaca: "It's like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.' There's mood lighting all over, and there's like five dudes massaging you."
Maritza: "And you have a pizza!"
Flaca: "She's right. You also have a pizza."
Flaca: "It's like getting into a bath, but the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And the Smiths are playing ‘There Is A Light That Never Goes Out.' There's mood lighting all over, and there's like five dudes massaging you."
Maritza: "And you have a pizza!"
Flaca: "She's right. You also have a pizza."
All I wanted was to eat the chicken that is smarter than other chickens and to absorb it's power.
I would very much like to return your witty banter, but I am too exhausted to be clever.
Well, I think that... when you have a connection with someone, it never really goes away, you know?
Jesus was a f-g! He said: 'This is my body. Eat me.'
Big Boo - Season 3
1Larry Bloom: "Are we at least gonna talk about other options?"
Piper Chapman: "You mean..."
Larry Bloom: "It's not Voldemort, you can say it. Abortion."
Piper Chapman: "You mean..."
Larry Bloom: "It's not Voldemort, you can say it. Abortion."
Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 8
Larry Bloom: "Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup."
Piper Chapman: "Well, you put your pee stick in my v*gina. And that's why we're in this situation."
Piper Chapman: "Well, you put your pee stick in my v*gina. And that's why we're in this situation."
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 8
The only difference between us is, when I made bad decisions in life, I didn't get caught.
Susan Fischer - Season 1 Episode 7
Joe Caputo: "You ever notice how some dog breeds, they sound kind of dirty? Like, shih tzu, cocker, Jack-something."
Susan Fischer: "Poodle."
Joe Caputo: "That is good, I didn't think of that one."
Susan Fischer: "Poodle."
Joe Caputo: "That is good, I didn't think of that one."
Joe Caputo - Season 1 Episode 7
Or I look single, 34 and single, which must mean there's something wrong with me. Like, you keep large reptiles in tanks, or I have a very special relationship with my mother.
Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 7
Piper: "Not every Hispanic person wants the same thing."
Lorna: "Oh, sure they do. They all want to come to America."
Nicky: "Jesus, your entire world view is based on 'West Side Story', isn't it?"
Lorna: "Oh, sure they do. They all want to come to America."
Nicky: "Jesus, your entire world view is based on 'West Side Story', isn't it?"
Nicky Nichols - Season 1 Episode 6
She's gotta start working on tightening her p*ssy muscles, 'cause her fiance's dick is so small, it's like a hot dog in a hallway.
Nicky Nichols - Season 1 Episode 6
Sam Healy: "It's popular fiction. It's like global warming or female ejac*lation."
Piper: "No! No. No, it's not. This is real."
Sam Healy: "How is it real? Wait, which?"
Piper: "The chicken. And the... the chicken."
Piper: "No! No. No, it's not. This is real."
Sam Healy: "How is it real? Wait, which?"
Piper: "The chicken. And the... the chicken."
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 5
What the hell is the matter with you? You tryin' out for the retard Olympics?
George 'Pornstache' Mendez - Season 1 Episode 5
Red: "Black girls hear about a chicken, of course this will happen."
Piper: "Why, because all black people love chicken?"
Red: "Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin, and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken."
Piper: "Why, because all black people love chicken?"
Red: "Don't be racist. Because they're all on heroin, and somebody's been telling them there's heroin in the chicken."
Galina 'Red' Reznikov - Season 1 Episode 5
P*rnstache: "You are not an agent of God, okay? God can do so much better than you. You must know that, right?"
Pennsatucky: "Know what?"
P*rnstache: "Jesus Christ, how the f*ck did you survive infancy?"
Pennsatucky: "My auntie helped my momma..."
P*rnstache: "That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a f*cking rhetorical question is?"
Pennsatucky: "Know what?"
P*rnstache: "Jesus Christ, how the f*ck did you survive infancy?"
Pennsatucky: "My auntie helped my momma..."
P*rnstache: "That's a rhetorical question! Do you not understand what a f*cking rhetorical question is?"
George 'Pornstache' Mendez - Season 1 Episode 5
Pennsatucky: "It weren't my fault. I was just doing as the Spirit commanded."
Pussey: "F*ck are you? Joan of Arc?"
Pennsatucky: "No, I'm from Waynesboro, my name is Tiffany..."
Pussey: "F*ck are you? Joan of Arc?"
Pennsatucky: "No, I'm from Waynesboro, my name is Tiffany..."
Tiffany 'Pennsatucky' Doggett - Season 1 Episode 5
Lorna Morello: "I need to start tightening up. You're making me feel like a cave."
Nicky Nichols: "Baby, it's a c*nt, it stretches!"
Lorna Morello: "Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb."
Nicky Nichols: "Baby, it's a c*nt, it stretches!"
Lorna Morello: "Yeah, sometimes I feel like you're trying to climb inside my womb."
Lorna Morello - Season 1 Episode 5
I'm missing half my zucchini. These girls don't realize I'm here to provide food, not d*ldos.
Galina 'Red' Reznikov - Season 1 Episode 3
Well, I'm just gonna go jerk off then. For the 500th time today.
Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 3
Guard: "Inmate, step away from the machine."
Larry: "He just called you 'inmate'."
Guard: "You too, sir."
Larry: "Sorry."
Larry: "He just called you 'inmate'."
Guard: "You too, sir."
Larry: "Sorry."
Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 2
Honey, don't you think the little rocks would hurt your nose, if you're trying to snort crack? I think you mean coke.
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 2
Look, I found a rock that looks like a penis with one ball. It's my Lance Armstrong rock.
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1
Oh my God, Larry, by the time I get out, there will've been like three new generations of iPhones!
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1
Larry: "Where would you like me to put it then, Piper?"
Piper: "Up your ass."
Larry: "There's no room. Apparently, my head's already up there."
Piper: "Up your ass."
Larry: "There's no room. Apparently, my head's already up there."
Larry Bloom - Season 1 Episode 1
Come on, we gotta rally. Make some memories.
Piper Chapman - Season 1 Episode 1
Larry: "She's guilty she's leaving. It's a guilt pig roasting box."
Pete: "At least you get something. I'm not getting laid for a year too. But what do I get?"
Larry: "A baby?"
Pete: "You can't eat it."
Pete: "At least you get something. I'm not getting laid for a year too. But what do I get?"
Larry: "A baby?"
Pete: "You can't eat it."
Pete Harper - Season 1 Episode 1
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