The best Quotes by Norm Crosby

The best Quotes by Norm Crosby

Norman Lawrence Crosby (September 15, 1927 – November 7, 2020) was an American comedian born in Boston, Massachusetts. He was often referred to as "The Master of Malaprop".

Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you're not wearing any.
When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
'USA Today' once did a big article called, 'Who said it? Was it Norm or George Bush?' They had quotes of mine and quotes of his, and they went to some congressmen and senators and said, 'Who said it?' It was hysterical.
I was the first spokesperson for the Better Hearing Institute in Washington. And that's the message we tried to send out - there is hearing help out there, and the technology and options are amazing.
I met Elvis first in Las Vegas. I think I was appearing with Tom Jones and he came backstage to say hello to Tom or we went to his dressing room to say hello.

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That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.
Sebastian Wilder in La La Land
1
Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.
Joe Goldberg in You - Season 2 Episode 2
1
I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.
1
Linda: "Why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?"
Lucifer: "The same reason as everyone else: the weather, p*rnstars, Mexican food."
Lucifer Morningstar in Lucifer - Season 1 Episode 3
1
People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.
California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022
New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.
Lalo Salamanca in Better Call Saul - Season 6 Episode 5
We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.
All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.
1
Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.
You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.
Georgia Miller in Ginny & Georgia - Season 1 Episode 1
I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.
I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts.
The man in the White House is not the cause of what is broken, he is just the latest and most extreme symptom of what's gone wrong in America. A product of a rigged system that props up the rich and powerful and kicks dirt on everyone else.
Elizabeth Warren (as Senator of Massachusetts) - February 9, 2019
I went to Massachusetts to make a difference. I didn't go there to begin a political career running time and time again. I made a difference. I put in place the things I wanted to do.
No one has ever been delighted to be in Boston in December. December? What are you excited about? "Oh, I love chapped lips and getting thrown up on by Patriots fans, how peachy."
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - December 2022
Welcome to Boston, where the weather is made up and the seasons don't matter.
Boston's freeway system is insane. It was clearly designed by a person who had spent his childhood crashing toy trains.
Let's be honest: There's no better college town than Boston.
We say the cows laid out Boston. Well, there are worse surveyors.
We are not the sum of our possessions.
We don't want an America that is closed to the world. What we want is a world that is open to America.
I do not like broccoli. And I haven't liked it since I was a little kid and my mother made me eat it. And I'm President of the United States and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli.
1
We know what works. Freedom Works. We know what's right. Freedom is right.
Truth is like the sun. You can shut it out for a time, but it ain't goin' away.
2
The warden threw a party in the county jail
The prison band was there and they began to wail
The band was jumping and the joint began to swing
You should've heard those knocked out jailbirds sing

Let's rock, everybody, let's rock
Everybody in the whole cell block
Was dancing to the Jailhouse Rock
Elvis Presley - Jailhouse Rock, Album: Jailhouse Rock
1
Ambition is a dream with a V8 engine.
1
Everybody comes from the same source. If you hate another human being, you're hating part of yourself.
You can't be a sexy person unless you have something sexy to offer. With me, it's my voice: the way that I sing, the way I express myself when I sing.
I haven't become an American! Having a house in LA is just where the house is. It's just a convenience thing living there. I carry Wales around inside me. I'd consider moving back there one day. I never really left.
As for the music business itself, the key things have not changed that much. It operates like any business and money still keeps things moving.
I'm a lyric man - I'm always looking for meaningful songs.
Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.
Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017
One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".
1
To never be sick can't be healthy.
A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.
Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!
Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.
This is the end of Wladimir Putin.
Jan Böhmermann - February 2022
People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.
Steve Harvey - February 2021
Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.
Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.
Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming
Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.
One candidate is too old and mentally unfit to be president. The other one is me.
Joe Biden - März 2024

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