Percy: "Okay. Whatever this is, it's done. You can't track me anymore. I'm changing my phone passcode."
Allison: "To what?"
Allison: "To what?"
Travis: "My wife speaks three languages. She's hot as f*ck. The sex is incredible."
Maddie: "That's great. Is her v*gina dishwasher-safe?"
Travis: "No. She's a real person. Unlike you. You wanna know what the best part is? When I told her that I loved her, she said it back to me instead of running away."
Maddie: "That must've been a really exciting second date."
Maddie: "That's great. Is her v*gina dishwasher-safe?"
Travis: "No. She's a real person. Unlike you. You wanna know what the best part is? When I told her that I loved her, she said it back to me instead of running away."
Maddie: "That must've been a really exciting second date."
Percy: "Why do you want to adopt a dog?"
Maddie: "Because I can't have dogs of my own."
Maddie: "Because I can't have dogs of my own."
Maddie: "Date him?"
Laird: "Date him hard."
Maddie: "I'll date his brains out."
Laird: "Date him hard."
Maddie: "I'll date his brains out."
Allison: "I'm Allison an this is my husband, Laird."
Maddie: "Layered? Like lasagna?"
Maddie: "Layered? Like lasagna?"
Sara: "Women have all sorts of reasons for having sex. I had sex once because I didn't want to commute in the morning."
Maddie: "I've had sex once to get out of playing Settlers of Catan."
Sara: "I had sex once on a first date 'cause I though he was gonna kill me."
Jim: "Jesus. You're with me now, babe."
Maddie: "She's talking about you, dumbass."
Maddie: "I've had sex once to get out of playing Settlers of Catan."
Sara: "I had sex once on a first date 'cause I though he was gonna kill me."
Jim: "Jesus. You're with me now, babe."
Maddie: "She's talking about you, dumbass."
Jim: "You could always sell your kidney. You could sell your hair, your plasma, your eggs. The human body's a cash cow. People don't understand that."
Sara: "Jim, I can feel our baby getting dumber."
Sara: "Jim, I can feel our baby getting dumber."
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