The best Quotes by Nick Birch

Andrew: "Jay's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance."
Nick: "What? First of all, I think he's got that wrong. Either that or you have grossly misquoted him."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Nick: "I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill."
Andrew: "Oh yeah, what happened with that?"
Nick: "I think it's gonna be Papa John now."

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

Harriet Tubman

What is the point of research papers? Every thing's on Wikipedia, and it's all completely accurate.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

Wikipedia

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Those girls are gonna eat him alive, and then barf him out because they're bulimic.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Jay: "How else are men supposed to get bj0bs?"
Maury: "You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say, 'Dinner is served'."

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 8

I gotta withhold my seed for the safety of mankind.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

If I was gonna f*ck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 1

"Sorry, bro, she wants a real man. Ninth grade, top of the food chain."
Nick: "Um, actually, sweets and fats are at the top of the food chain."
Andrew: "Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing the food pyramid with the food chain."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Andrew: "When you do kiss a girl, to make it official..."
Nick: "...there's gotta be tongue!"
Andrew: "Major tongue."
Nick: "You want to flick your tongue around."
Andrew: "Ideally."
Nick: "And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers too."
Andrew: "Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve."
Nick: "Yeah. We know what we're talking about."
Andrew: "It's nice to talk like men."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I am not a kid, for your information. I am 60 years old. I remember when Moses was president.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

You're gonna sit on his face and use that hair as a seat belt.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 10

Puberty Fairy?! I'm the hormone monster. I'm no fairy. I mean sure I like to f*ck around with dudes, but I'm no fairy.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth

You somehow made farting even cooler!

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 11

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote, "Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote. And I think this red bra scares both of us.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth

Eleanor Roosevelt

Kids just don't nut like they used to.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

I'm like Young Sheldon... if he fed.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 9

Young Sheldon

Listen to me! You want to shoplift lipstick, you want to listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat while you cut up all your t-shirts. You want to scream at your mother and then laugh at her tears!

Connie in Big Mouth

Lana Del Rey

Wrong? We're in Florida. The state bird is a chicken finger.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 5

Florida

I had crossed the line. I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land.

Harriet Tubman

I can't die but once.

Harriet Tubman

Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.

Harriet Tubman

Dreaming Great Works Motivation Positive Quotes

I had crossed the line. I was free; but there was no one to welcome me to the land of freedom. I was a stranger in a strange land.

Harriet Tubman

You'll be free or die!

Harriet Tubman

Freedom

I had reasoned this out in my mind, there was one of two things I had a right to, liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other.

Harriet Tubman

I think slavery is the next thing to hell. If a person would send another into bondage, he would, it appears to me, be bad enough to send him into hell if he could.

Harriet Tubman

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

Stephen Colbert

Wikipedia

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 3 Episode 18

Wikipedia

As for Wikipedia... it’s better to replace it with the new Big Russian Encyclopaedia in electronic form. At least that will be reliable information, presented in a good, modern way.

Vladimir Putin (as President of Russia) - November 2019

Wikipedia

Smile, but with your p3nis.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I just wish you could see your d1ck the way I do.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I mean, maybe if it's animated we can get away with it.

Maury the Hormone Monster in Big Mouth

My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

Joe Biden

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

One downside of our big brains is we're the only creatures who are aware that death is inevitable. Although, if you lined ten dogs in a row and shot them one by one, the dog on the end would probably get the gist by about dog four.

Philomena Cunk in Cunk On Life - Episode 1

Brain

The best Quotes by Nick Birch

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