The best Quotes by Jan Böhmermann

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.

Would be great if someone found a tax loophole to make Amazon pay taxes in Germany.

It'd be great if most opinions would take root in facts.

Art's only really cool if no one cares - or no one gets it.

The employees at the Apple headquarters keep running into the stylish new glass walls. Windows problems at Apple.

The western Countries lie recklessly, like Goebbels: the more incredible the lie, the faster they will believe in it.

I find it necessary to support the proposal of the Defence Ministry on partial mobilisation in the Russian Federation to defend our Motherland, and to ensure the safety of our people.

The special military operation is being conducted strictly in accordance to the plan and schedule. All objectives that were set are being resolved successfully.

The purpose of this operation is to demilitarise and denazify Ukraine.

No matter who tries to stand in our way or all the more so create threats for our country and our people, they must know that Russia will respond immediately.

I made a decision to carry out a special military operation.

Stop the war! Admit that this is a war against an entire nation and stop it!

Before this war, I was opposed to membership of Ukraine in NATO because I feared that it would start exactly the process that we have seen now. Now that this process has reached this level, the idea of a neutral Ukraine under these conditions is no longer meaningful. I believe Ukrainian membership in NATO would be an appropriate outcome.

People learn to love their chains.

In the end, what seperates a man from a slave? Money? Power? No, a man chooses, a slave obeys.

I want to finish with dignity so in a good club. It doesn't mean that to go USA or Qatar or Dubai is not good but I don't see myself there.

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Dubai - which is kinda the same.

There are two kinds of companies; those that work to try to charge more and those that work to charge less. One will be second.

If I wanted the government in my house, I'd buy Alexa.

Men must be free to do what they believe. It is not our right to punish one for thinking what they do, no matter how much we disagree.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

I mean, you could claim that anything's real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody's proved it doesn't exist!

All empty souls tend toward extreme opinions.

Listen to the scientists! Listen to what the facts are!

Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.

Philippe: "Tell me Driss, why do you think people are interested in art?"
Driss: "I don't know, it's a business?"
Philippe: "No. That's because it's the only thing one leaves behind."

The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed.

Gerald Broflovski: "Well that does it, I'm going to the police!"
Stan: "For what?"
Gerald Broflovski: "To find out where Apple is keeping my son."
Stan: "Dude, when the police want to know where somebody is, they ask Apple!"

Jacob: "Are you Steve Jobs?"
Cal: "What?"
Jacob: "Are you the billionaire owner of Apple Computers?"
Cal: "No."
Jacob: "Oh, OK. In that case, you've got no right to wear New Balance sneakers, ever."

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

To never be sick can't be healthy.

F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.