Ah, I see you have the machine that goes "ping!". This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part I: The Miracle of Birth, by Hospital AdministratorObstetrician 1: "Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV."
Obstetrician 2: "And get the machine that goes 'ping!'."
Obstetrician 1: "And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes."
Now, here's the meaning of life. Well, it's nothing very special: Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - The End of the FilmShut up, you American! You always talk, you Americans, you talk and you talk and say "Let me tell you something" and "I just wanna say this." Well, you're dead now, so shut up.
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part VII: DeathMaître-D': "Good afternoon, sir. And how are we today?"
Mr Creosote: "Better."
Maître-D': "Better?"
Mr Creosote: "Better get a bucket. I'm gonna throw up."
So, remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure
How amazingly unlikely is your birth
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
I killed fifteen of those buggers. Now, at home they'd hang me - here they'll give me a fing medal, sir!
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part III: Fighting Each OtherDemocracy and humanitarianism have always been trademarks of the British Army.
England & Great BritainMonty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part III: Fighting Each OtherBut despite the efforts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex for pleasure, children continue to multiply everywhere.
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part I: The Miracle of BirthHindu, Taoist, Mormon spill theirs just anywhere
But God loves those who treat their semen with more care
O Lord, please don't burn us.
Don't grill or toast your flock.
Don't put us on the barbecue
Or simmer us in stock.
Don't braise or bake or boil us,
Or stir-fry us in a wok.
The universe itself keeps expanding and expanding,
In all of the directions it can whizz,
As fast as it can go,
At the speed of light, you know,
Twelve million miles a minute,
And that's the fastest speed there is,
So, remember, when you're feeling very small and insecure,
How amazingly unlikely is your birth,
And pray that there's intelligent life somewhere up in space
'Cause there's bugger all down here on Earth.
