What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!Monty Python's Flying Circus
Colonel: "Watkins, why did you join the army?"
Watkins: "For the water-skiing and the travel, sir. Not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir: 'no killing'."
Colonel: "Watkins, are you a pacifist?"
Watkins: "No, sir. I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward."
I'd like to complain about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It's high time something was done about it!Monty Python's Flying Circus
We interrupt this program to annoy you and make things generally irritating.Monty Python's Flying Circus
We serve no meat of any kind. We're not only proud of that, we're smug about it.Monty Python's Flying Circus
This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir, invisible. This is an ex-parrot.Monty Python's Flying Circus
Mr. Notlob, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.Monty Python's Flying Circus
Morning, I'm a bank robber, please don't panic, just hand over all the money.Monty Python's Flying Circus
I cut down trees, I eat my lunch, I go to the lavatory. On Wednesdays I go shopping, and have buttered scones for tea.Monty Python's Flying Circus
Peasant: "I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition."
Cardinal Ximinez: "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"