The best Quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Frenchman: "You empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"
Sir Galahad: "Is there someone else up there we can talk to?"
Frenchman: "No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!"

Guard: "Halt! Who goes there?"
Arthur: "It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England."
Guard: "Pull the other one!"

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Quotes about Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Americans all love 'The Holy Grail', and the English all love 'Life Of Brian', and I'm afraid on this one, I side with the English.

John Cleese

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

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If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

John Cleese

Barbecue Meat

I find it rather easy to portray a businessman. Being bland, rather cruel and incompetent comes naturally to me.

John Cleese

Capitalism Business

I think that money spoils most things, once it becomes the primary motivating force.

John Cleese

Money

I don't miss London much. I find it crowded, vast and difficult to get around. Cabs are incredibly expensive.

John Cleese

London

A wonderful thing about true laughter is that it just destroys any kind of system of dividing people.

John Cleese

Laughing & Smile

You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

John Cleese

Dalai Lama

He who laughs most, learns best.

John Cleese

Laughing & Smile Learning

The most creative people have this childlike facility to play.

John Cleese

Creativity

You know, you come from nothing, you're going back to nothing. What have you lost? Nothing!

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Death

Brian: "You're all individuals!"
People: "Yes, we're all individuals!"
Brian: "You're all different!"
People: "Yes, we are all different!"
Man: "I'm not."

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Character

Centurion: "Crucifixion lasts hours, it's a slow, horrible death."
Matthias: "Well, at least it gets you out in the open air."

Matthias in Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Sit down, have a scone, make yourself at home... you klutz!

Reg in Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Wise Man: "We are three wise men."
Brian's mother: "Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o'clock in the morning? That doesn't sound very wise to me."

Brians Mutter in Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Cows

All right, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system and public health. What have the Romans ever done for us?

Reg in Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Rome

Matthias: "Lay off! We haven't started yet."
Priest: "Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on!"
Women: "She did! She did! He did! He did!"
Woman: "Sorry, I thought we'd started."
Priest: "Go to the back!"

Monty Python’s Life of Brian

Crowns do queer things to the heads beneath them.

George R. R. Martin in A Song of Ice and Fire - A Clash of Kings

Power Kings Monarchy

You might be a king or a little street sweeper, but sooner or later you dance with the reaper.

Grim Reaper in Bill & Ted - Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Death Kings

A wise king never seeks out war, but he must always be ready for it.

Odin in Thor

War Kings

The Royal Family's wealth, unline their gene pool, is massive.

John Oliver (Last Week Tonight) - The Monarchy

Monarchy

How romantic it must be to get imprisoned in a castle and made to squeeze out heirs.

Rhaenyra Targaryen in House Of The Dragon - Season 1 Episode 4

Monarchy

The bluer the blood, the sweeter it spills.

Sylas, the Unshackled in League of Legends

Monarchy

Ah, I see you have the machine that goes "ping!". This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to - that way it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account.

Hospital Administrator in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part I: The Miracle of Birth

Obstetrician 1: "Get the EEG, the BP monitor, and the AVV."
Obstetrician 2: "And get the machine that goes 'ping!'."
Obstetrician 1: "And get the most expensive machine - in case the Administrator comes."

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - Part I: The Miracle of Birth

Now, here's the meaning of life. Well, it's nothing very special: Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try and live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.

Monty Python's The Meaning of Life - The End of the Film

We find your American beer like making love in a canoe. It's f-ing close to water.

Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

Yorkshireman 1: "Right. I had to get up in the morning at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill, and pay mill owner for permission to come to work, and when we got home, our Dad would kill us, and dance about on our graves."
Yorkshireman 2: "But you try and tell the young people today that... and they won't believe ya'."

Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

Mr. Smoketoomuch: "Good morning!"
Travel agency secretary: "Oh, good morning! Have you come to arrange a holiday or would you like a bjob?"

Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl

What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung!

Monty Python's Flying Circus

Colonel: "Watkins, why did you join the army?"
Watkins: "For the water-skiing and the travel, sir. Not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir: 'no killing'."
Colonel: "Watkins, are you a pacifist?"
Watkins: "No, sir. I'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward."

Monty Python's Flying Circus

I'd like to complain about people who constantly hold things up by complaining about people who complain. It's high time something was done about it!

Monty Python's Flying Circus

No day of my life passes without someone saying the words "Monty Python" to me. It's not bad.

Eric Idle

We've discovered that the less we do, the more money we make.

Eric Idle

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will make me go in a corner and cry by myself for hours.

Eric Idle

The human race should just slow down and think about what it is doing.

Michael Palin

Humanity

Contrary to what the politicians and religious leaders would like us to believe, the world won't be made safer by creating barriers between people.

Michael Palin

Borders

The use of the word "just" by an Australian means that whatever it is you have to do, it will not be easy, as in "Just pull that sword out of the stone" or "Just split that atom."

Michael Palin - Full Circle with Michael Palin (1997)

Australia

I loved every minute of Python and owe so much to them.

Carol Cleveland - June 2014

We're all in our 70s now and even doing 10 shows, with lots of costume changes, is going to be exhausting. And the guys have far more to do than me, obviously. But I have a feeling it might not be the last Python project ever. I wouldn't be surprised if they did another film.

Carol Cleveland - June 2014

They all welcomed me with open arms and immediately put my fears to rest. John Cleese was rather flirty; Michael Palin seemed rather shy; Terry Jones was very jolly; Eric Idle was a tiny bit aloof; Graham Chapman was very polite and Terry Gilliam was very loud and a bit manic.

Carol Cleveland

John Cleese Eric Idle Michael Palin Terry Jones Terry Gilliam Graham Chapman

What really alarms me about President Bush's "War on Terrorism" is the grammar. How do you wage war on an abstract noun? How is "Terrorism" going to surrender? It's well known, in philological circles, that it's very hard for abstract nouns to surrender.

Terry Jones

Terrorism

We will definitely not burn the Koran, no. Not today, not ever.

Terry Jones

The funny thing about history is that we imagine that people didn't laugh in the old days, but of course they did, at stupid things.

Terry Jones

History

I've given up asking questions. l merely float on a tsunami of acceptance of anything life throws at me... and marvel stupidly.

Terry Gilliam

Foolishness

Television and the media are everywhere and they are taking over so powerfully. They don't shut up for a second. So you are unable to think.

Terry Gilliam - Terry Gilliam's flying circus (2006)

Media Television

I don't do drugs. I've got enough bizarre chemicals floating around in my head. I'm just naturally like this.

Terry Gilliam - Mai 1998

The best Quotes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Quotes about Monty Python and the Holy Grail

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