The best Quotes from Modern Family

The good news is, Luke has his bike.
More good news, I taught some random kid a valuable lesson by stealing his bike.

Phil Dunphy - Season 1 Episode 3

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire, or fear how much I love her.

Phil Dunphy - Season 5 Episode 1

Jay: "I got you a little gift to celebrate. I know it’s not much...-"
Gloria: "It’s practically nothing!"

Gloria Pritchett - Season 6 Episode 22

Mitchell: "We didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure. We kinda have some big news."
Jay: "Oh God, if Cam comes out there with boobs, I'm leaving."

Jay Pritchett - Season 1 Episode 1

Phil: "What a beautiful dress."
Gloria: "Thank you, Phil."
Phil: "Oh, okay."
Claire: "Phil! She said Phil, not feel!"

Claire Dunphy - Season 1 Episode 1

Mitchell: "It's been five years now and he still does this thing were he announces himself before walking into any room we're in, just to make sure he doesn't ever see us kiss."
Cameron: "Wish my mother had that system. Remember?"

Cameron Tucker - Season 1 Episode 1

Phil: "Little heads up - there's no way I'm not crying at this wedding."
Claire: "Phil, you cried on the way here."
Phil: "I was on the brink already. I watched 'Dirty Dancing' before we left."

Phil Dunphy - Season 5 Episode 1

Dirty Dancing

Gloria: "It seemd like all what we did was fight and make love. One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out of the window together."
Jay: "Which one were you doing?"

Jay Pritchett - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm a cool dad. That's my thang. I surf the web... I text LOL - Laugh Out Loud, OMG - Oh My God, WTF - Why The Face.

Phil Dunphy - Season 1 Episode 1

Mitchell: "we've decided we really wanted to have a baby so, we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate."
Cameron: "Then we figured, they already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?"

Cameron Tucker - Season 1 Episode 1

Alex: "Luke got his head stuck in the banister again."
Phil: "I got it. Where's the babyoil?"
Claire: "It's on our bedside tip- I Don't know, find it!"

Claire Dunphy - Season 1 Episode 1

There are dreamers and there are realists in this world. You'd think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists, but more often than not the opposite is true. You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun. And the realists, well without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.

Cameron Tucker - Season 3 Episode 9

Dreaming Reality

Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration, and 2% attention to detail.

Phil Dunphy

Success

Sal: "Does Lily have any other plates? I don't let Sammy eat off this plastic."
Pepper: "How does she breastfeed him if she doesn't let him near plastic?"

Pepper Saltzman - Season 6 Episode 15

Boobs

Jotham: "I'm leaving early to go to a hockey game. Kings versus Blackhawks."
Pepper: "Wow, they can call a team that?"
Jotham: "Black-h-awks!"

Season 6 Episode 15

Chicago Blackhawks

Alex: "What's Jagermeister?"
Phil: "Well, you know how in a fairytale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that, except you don't wake up in a castle, you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation."

Phil Dunphy

Jägermeister

Haley: "Dad, can you just please tell mom, that I can take a two hour break and go to a party?"
Phil: "No Ma'am, I'm not stepping into that one. We're not playing 'good cop - mom'.'"

Phil Dunphy - Season 2 Episode 3

You can tell a lot about a person from his biography.

Phil Dunphy

Watch a sunrise at least once a day.

Phil Dunphy

Sunrise

When life gives you lemonade, make lemons. Life will be all like, "What?!"

Phil Dunphy

Zitronen

Dance, until your feet hurt. Sing, until your lungs hurt. Act, until you're William Hurt.

Phil Dunphy

The most amazing things that can happen to a human being will happen to you, if you just lower your expectations.

Phil Dunphy

Expectations

If you get pulled over for speeding, tell the policeman your spouse has diarrhea.

Phil Dunphy

Always look people in the eye. Even if they're blind. Just say, 'I am looking you in the eye.'

Phil Dunphy

Blindness

If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger.

Phil Dunphy

Tigers

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Time travel is a fantasy we all have. The 'Back to the Future' series really exploits that wish.

Christopher Lloyd

Back to the Future

It was 1976, and I was acting off-Broadway with a pair of Canadians: Victor Garber and Gale Garnett. The play was called 'Cracks,' and Martin Sherman, the man who wrote it, went on a few years later to have a giant hit with 'Bent.' But not this time around. Opening night was a disaster.

Christopher Lloyd

Every role I get is always a challenge. I can read a script and say, 'Oh, I can do that!' and then when I start working on it, I suddenly realize that I had no idea what I was getting into. Then I have to really work hard!

Christopher Lloyd

George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.

Patton Oswalt

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

Patton Oswalt

90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.

Patton Oswalt

My baby belongs to me!

Johnny in Dirty Dancing

Romantic Quotes

Ted it's fine, I'm a child of divorce. You guys keep fighting all you want - as long as the expensive gifts keep coming.

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

Gifts & Presents Divorce

It does not do to dwell on dreams, Harry, and forget to live.

Albus Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone

Dreaming

People live their lives bound by what they accept as correct and true. That's how they define reality. But what does it mean to be correct or true? Merely vague concepts. Their reality may all be a mirage. Can we consider them to simply be living in their own world, shaped by their beliefs?

Itachi Uchiha in Naruto

Reality

The best Quotes from Modern Family

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