Quotes by Mitch Hedberg

Mitchell Lee "Mitch" Hedberg was an American stand-up comedian known for his surreal humor and unconventional, often deadpan comedic delivery. His comedy typically featured short, sometimes one-line jokes mixed with absurd elements and non sequiturs. Hedberg's comedy and onstage persona gained him a cult following, with audience members sometimes shouting out the punchlines to his jokes before he could finish them.

The best Quotes and Sayings

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

GamblingMitch Hedberg
 
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The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

TennisMitch Hedberg
 
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Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Mitch Hedberg
 
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My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

Mitch Hedberg
 
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My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Funny QuotesMitch Hedberg
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I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

RelationshipsMitch Hedberg
 
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I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Mitch Hedberg
 
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I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.

Funny QuotesMitch Hedberg
 
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If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.

Funny QuotesMitch Hedberg
 
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