The best Quotes by Mike Myers

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Canada is a country of ingredients without a cuisine; we're a country with musicians without an indigenous instrument; Toronto's a city that doesn't even have a dish named after it.

Canada Toronto

I like smart jokes, I like dumb jokes, and I like dumb jokes done smartly.

Humor & Comedy

I'm a comedic actor, not to mix words, but it's something I think about. A comedic actor. I like to think that Christopher Guest, Phil Hartman, Peter Sellers and Alec Guinness are comedic actors. And Dan Aykroyd, too. Those are my heroes.

Peter Sellers Alec Guinness Dan Aykroyd

I would love to be a father. I had a great father who taught me how gratifying that is. I'm not going to deny myself that. I think I'd be good at it. Everybody wants that experience. I definitely do.

Quotes about Mike Myers

You just won't die, will you? Who are you? Michael f*cking Myers?

Jill Roberts in Scream - 4

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There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures... and the Dutch.

Nigel Powers in Austin Powers - Goldmember

Funny Quotes Netherlands

Mini-Me: "Are you a clone of an angel?"
Foxxy Cleopatra: "Oh, how sweet. No, my mini-man, I'm not."
Mini-Me: "Are you sure you don't have a little clone in you?"
Foxxy Cleopatra: "Yes I'm sure."
Mini-Me: "Would you like to?"

Mini-Me in Austin Powers - Goldmember

I don't kiss and tell. I shag and brag, baby!

Austin Powers in Austin Powers

Alright, let me find my balls, for God's sakes! One, two, and three, okay. I'm okay.

Dr. Evil in Austin Powers - Goldmember

You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough.

Dr. Evil in Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Felicity Shagwell: "Austin Powers, I presume."
Austin: "Powers by name, powers by reputation."
Felicity Shagwell: "Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, shag-very-well by reputation."
Austin: "Oh, be-have."
Felicity Shagwell: "Not if I can help it."

Felicity Shagwell in Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Austin: "Who are you, baby?"
Ivana: "Ivana. Ivana Humpalot."
Austin: "Excuse me?"
Ivana: "Ivana Humpalot."
Austin: "Well, I wanna (Ivana) toilet made out of solid gold, but it's just not in the cards now is it?"

Austin Powers in Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Vanessa: "Do you smoke after sex?"
Austin: "I don't know, baby, I never looked."

Austin Powers in Austin Powers - The Spy Who Shagged Me

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my submarine lair. It's long, hard and full of seamen! No? Nothing?

Dr. Evil in Austin Powers - Goldmember

I'm not saying it's hot, but I'm pretty sure the thermometer reads "Satan's Balls".

Dr. Evil in Austin Powers

Fiona: "It talks?"
Shrek: "Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick."

Shrek in Shrek

Donkey: "So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?"
Shrek: "In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her."
Donkey: "I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek."

Donkey in Shrek

Shrek: "Ogres are like onions."
Donkey: "They stink?"
Shrek: "No. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers."

Shrek in Shrek

You're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7.

Donkey in Shrek

Some of you may die, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

Lord Farquaad in Shrek

"I like an honest fight and a saucy little maid…"
"What he's basically saying is he likes to get…"
"...paid!"

Shrek

I hope you heard that. She called me a noble steed. She thinks I'm a steed.

Donkey in Shrek

Shrek: "If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?"
Donkey: "Because that's what friends do, they forgive each other."

Donkey in Shrek

I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give someone a hint and they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence...
...Can I stay with you?

Donkey in Shrek

Donkey: "Whoa. Look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?"
Shrek: "That would be my home."
Donkey: "Oh and it is lovely. You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder."

Donkey in Shrek

I don't know what else I could do but pretend to be an actor.

Alec Guinness

Actors

Am I a trance medium? No. Have I got a gift psychically? Absolutely not. But I believe in the survival of consciousness after death.

Dan Aykroyd

We have the most beautiful planet - the Rockies, the purple fields of the United States, the Lake District, the Pyrenees, the turquoise seas of the tropics.

Dan Aykroyd

Hygiene is important. That's one of my failings. So I'm always being called on that.

Dan Aykroyd

My whole thing is to entertain, make people laugh and to forget about the real world for awhile.

Dan Aykroyd

Dewey Riley: "Do you have a gun?"
Sidney Prescott: "I'm Sidney Prescott. Natürlich hab ich ne Waffe."

Sidney Prescott in Scream - 5

There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance:
1) You can never have sex. The minute you get a little nookie, you're as good as gone. Sex always equals death.
2) Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor. It's an extension of number one.
And 3) Never, ever, ever, under any circumstances, say "I'll be right back."

Randy Meeks in Scream

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms, when his hands are empty.

Children & Childhood Fathers Father & Daughter

Canada also helped in two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes and best of all - you.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 12

William Shatner Leonard Cohen Pamela Anderson Neil Young Canada

Heard your new joint, it's embarrassing, sh-t
You talk to the cops on some therapist sh-t
You act like you love this American sh-t
But, really, the truth is you scared of the Six

Drake - MELTDOWN, Album: Utopia (by Travis Scott)

Toronto

If you can't laugh at yourself, life is going to seem a whole lot longer than you'd like.

Sam in Garden State

Laughing & Smile Humor & Comedy

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

Life

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Money

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Mike Myers

Quotes about Mike Myers

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