The best Quotes by Mike Birbiglia

Directing a movie is a little bit like being back in student government and putting on the homecoming dance. You're like, 'You put up the streamers, and you hire the DJ, and you get the punch bowl.' Some people are just like, 'This dance sucks.' And you're like, 'No no, this dance is awesome!' You have to be really positive.

I was a screenwriting major at Georgetown, and I was in class with some really strong writers like Jonathan Nolan, who co-wrote 'The Dark Knight' with Chris, his brother. He wrote 'The Prestige,' the story for 'Memento.'

The one thing you're most reluctant to tell. That's where the comedy is.

I think that my regrets mostly have to do with my relationship with my ex-girlfriend. Every once in a while, you get those flashback memories of conversations you had with your exes, and you just, like, wince when you're walking down the street. Something occurs to you, 'Oh, no, I said that.'

I love pizza. I want to marry it, but it would just be to eat her family at the wedding.

You're gonna like Massachusetts. It's very patriotic - perfect for a fresh start.

I'm lucky to have been raised in the most beautiful place - Amherst, Massachusetts, state of my heart. I'm more patriotic to Massachusetts than to almost any place.

I will work my heart out to earn the trust of the people of Massachusetts.

The man in the White House is not the cause of what is broken, he is just the latest and most extreme symptom of what's gone wrong in America. A product of a rigged system that props up the rich and powerful and kicks dirt on everyone else.

I went to Massachusetts to make a difference. I didn't go there to begin a political career running time and time again. I made a difference. I put in place the things I wanted to do.

Only a liberal senator from Massachusetts would say that a 49 percent increase in funding for education was not enough.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Massachusetts - and that's pretty much the same thing.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.

Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.

It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.

I am sorry on behalf of most, if not close to all, of Australia at this point. I'm sorry about Raygun and that we broke dancing.