Quote by Michael Scott (Season 7 Episode 5)

Quote by Michael Scott (Season 7 Episode 5)

Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike. I had those extra wheels on the back that support you.

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 7 Episode 5

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Michael: "You will be thin. You won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore. You will find love."
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Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

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How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped and drowned.

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If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

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I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

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The way this place used to work was, make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.

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It is St. Patrick's Day and here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.

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You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

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When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn... we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet.

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Michael: "You use your brain too much."
Jim: "I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?"
Michael: "Sometimes, the smartest people don't think at all."
Jim: "You just came up with that."
Michael: "As I was saying it."

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Jim: "Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets."
Michael: "Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. We were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon?"

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Michael: "I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?"
Pam: "Yeah."
Michael: "I just don't want you to."

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I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist. I should have known. Poopball?

Michael Scott in The Office - Season 6 Episode 1

I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can.

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I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

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Pam: "Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk."
Michael: "This is a dream that I have had since lunch and I am not giving up on it now."

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I had a great time at prom. And no one said "yes" to that, either.

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Did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a circular net you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet.

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Kevin: "I would want to live with no legs."
Michael: "How about no arms? No arms and legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything."

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An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to...- An office is a place where dreams come true.

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Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

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Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

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It's like I used to tell my wife: "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife. And I'll say it to my next one too.

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What's the problem? Grunting is scientifically proven to add more power. Ask any female tennis player, or her husband.

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What's the argument here? NBA. WNBA. One is a sport, one is a joke. I love sports, I love jokes. Room for all.

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I'm not going to tell my nine-months-pregnant wife that I find her replacement objectively attractive. Just like I'm not going to tell my two-year-old daughter that violent video games are objectively more fun. It's true, but it doesn't help anybody.

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I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding CeCe, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest - if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything.

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Jim: "What about and energy drink?"
Pam: "It gets in the breast milk. If I drink it, CeCe drinks it six hours later."
Jim: "It doesn't mean I can't drink it."
Pam: "Well, it does and it doesn't."

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It's not about who you've been with. It's about who you end up with. Sometimes the heart doesn't know what it wants until it finds what it wants.

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Michael: "Phyllis did injure herself, but she injured herself having fun and I don't think she'd trade that memory for anything."
Stanley: "I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense."

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I do not like pregnant women in my workspace. They're always complaining. I have varicose veins too. I have swollen ankles. I'm constantly hungry. You think my nipples don't get sore too?

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Michael: "Excuse me, everyone... Sex! Now that I have your attention...-"
Stanley: "You don't have our attention."
Michael: "Money!"
Stanley: "I'm listening."
Kevin: "You had me at 'Sex'."

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Creed: "I've never seen herpes on you."
Meredith: "'Cause it's on my genitals, genius."
Kevin: "You have a p-nis?"

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I'd rather she be alone than with somebody. Is that love?

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Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know that impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year.

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Michael's like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch.

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This may be the first time that a male subordinate has attempted to get a modest, scheduled raise by threatening to withhold sex from a female superior. It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial.

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I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

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Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office.

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What did I say? I talk a lot, so I've learned to just tune myself out.

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I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah. I call them heaven.

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Nevada Arizona New Mexico Utah

There are plenty of people who love touching me. I'm a terrific hugger. I've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they wanna do.

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Florida is America's bas*ment: it's wet, it's filled with mold, strange insects, alligators.

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In five years, I'd like to be five years sober... four and a half.

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Related pages

Michael Scott

Dwight Schrute

Jim Halpert

Stanley Hudson

Kevin Malone

Ryan Howard

Toby Flenderson

Andy Bernard