The best Quotes by Michael Scott

Michael: "You will be thin. You won't drool over pizza like an animal anymore. You will find love."
Kevin: "Michael, I'm pretty much okay with who I am now."
Michael: "Don't be. You should never settle for who you are."

The Office - Season 7 Episode 22

Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart.

The Office - Season 7 Episode 16

Romeo and Juliet

Yes, I can ride a bike. I take spinning classes three times a month. I think I know how to ride a bike. I had those extra wheels on the back that support you.

The Office - Season 7 Episode 5

How do I feel about losing the sale? It's like if Michael Phelps came out of retirement, jumped in the pool, belly-flopped and drowned.

The Office - Season 7 Episode 5

Michael Phelps

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, bin Laden, and Toby - I would shoot Toby twice.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 25

Toby Flenderson

I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 21

The way this place used to work was, make friends first, make sales second, make love third. In no particular order.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 20

It is St. Patrick's Day and here in Scranton, that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 19

St. Patrick's Day

You need somebody who understands your references. Who is Kafkaesque? I've never...- I don't know him.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 9

When Mary was denied a room at the inn, Jesus was born. When Michael was denied a room at the inn... we don't know what happens because that story hasn't been told yet.

The Office - Season 6 Episode 4

Michael: "You use your brain too much."
Jim: "I'm sorry, are you advocating that I use it less?"
Michael: "Sometimes, the smartest people don't think at all."
Jim: "You just came up with that."
Michael: "As I was saying it."

The Office - Season 6 Episode 3

Jim: "Yesterday, we had a meeting about planets."
Michael: "Jim, to be fair, the conversation wasn't about planets. We were talking about introducing a line of toilet paper. And what part of the human body does one use toilet paper upon?"

The Office - Season 6 Episode 3

Toilet

Michael: "I don't want you to ever lie to me. Have I ever lied to you?"
Pam: "Yeah."
Michael: "I just don't want you to."

The Office - Season 6 Episode 2

I hate, hate, hate being left out. Whether it's not being picked for a team or being picked for a team and then showing up and realizing that the team doesn't exist. Or that the sport doesn't exist. I should have known. Poopball?

The Office - Season 6 Episode 1

I set the rules and you follow them. Blindly. Okay? And if you have a problem with that, then you can talk to our complaint department. It's a trash can.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 26

Trash & Garbage

I feel weak today. I felt much stronger yesterday. Like Benjamin Button in reverse.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 22

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Pam: "Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk."
Michael: "This is a dream that I have had since lunch and I am not giving up on it now."

The Office - Season 5 Episode 21

I had a great time at prom. And no one said "yes" to that, either.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 21

Did you come up with toilet buddy? It's a circular net you put inside the toilet to catch all of your change and your wallet from falling into the toilet.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 19

Toilet

Kevin: "I would want to live with no legs."
Michael: "How about no arms? No arms and legs is basically how you exist right now, Kevin. You don't do anything."

The Office - Season 5 Episode 14

An office is a place to live life to the fullest, to the max, to...- An office is a place where dreams come true.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 14

Offices

Nobody should have to go to work thinking, "Oh, this is the place that I might die today." That's what a hospital is for. An office is for not dying.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 14

Hospitals

Laughter is my job. Tears are my game. Law is my profession.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 13

Jim: "Dwight, you've really never stolen any company time?"
Dwight: "Never."
Michael: "You are a thief of joy."

The Office - Season 5 Episode 3

Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II.

The Office - Season 4 Episode 14

Michael: "Look, I could probably handle it, yes, but I think it would be good exercise for you guys to do it yourself."
Andy: "We won't let you down."
Michael: "You can't. Because I don't care."

The Office - Season 4 Episode 10

No! I hate it! I don't hate it. I just don't like it at all. And it's terrible.

The Office - Season 5 Episode 4

I'm very fast. I'm like Forrest Gump... except I'm not an idiot.

The Office - Season 4 Episode 1

Forrest Gump

Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot.

The Office - Season 3 Episode 22

A boss's salary isn't just about money. It is about perks. For example, every year, I get a $100 gas card. Can't put a price tag on that.

The Office - Season 3 Episode 18

Moving out to the 'burbs. Actually, I'm moving further than the 'burbs. I'm moving to Colorado.

The Office - Season 7 Episode 20

Colorado

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

The Office - Season 3 Episode 18

Wikipedia

Michael: "Inventory's at the end of December."
Pam: "We couldn't do it without you, so we postponed."
Michael: "Oh... I specifically went on vacation so I would miss it."

The Office - Season 3 Episode 11

Why did the convict had to be a black guy? It is such a stereotype. I just wish that Josh had made a more progressive choice, like a white guy who went to prison for polluting a black guy's lake.

The Office - Season 3 Episode 9

Toby: "You may want these orientation materials."
Michael: "Wrong, Toby. This is an orientation, not a bore-ientation."

The Office - Season 3 Episode 8

Michael: "No! For the guests, it is. For you, consider it cow meat. Strictly taboo."
Kelly: "I eat beef."
Michael: "Well, then consider it poisoned beef."

The Office - Season 3 Episode 8

I can't say I was a big fan of "Bowling For Columbine". Because I thought it was gonna be a bowling movie. Like "Kingpin". And it wasn't.

The Office - Season 3 Episode 7

Pam: "The waiting list for adoptions is like eight months."
Michael: "Eight months? I don't even know if I want a baby in eight months."

The Office - Season 3 Episode 2

Angela: "No one cares about your birthday. Kevin's waiting to hear if he has skin cancer."
Michael: "That's terrible news for both of us."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 19

Michael: "I am like Superman. And the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City."
Jim: "That's Batman."
Michael: "Okay, I'm Aquaman. Where does he live, guys?"
Jim: "The ocean."
Michael: "I work with a bunch of nerds."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 18

Batman Superman Aquaman

New York, New York. The city so nice, they named it twice. Manhatten is the other name.

The Office - Season 2 Episode 16

You may look around and see two groups here. White-collar, blue-collar. But I don't see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.

The Office - Season 2 Episode 15

Michael: "How long does it take for you to do something simple? Every day, like - brush your teeth in the morning?"
Billy Merchant: "I don't know, like, 30 seconds?"
Michael: "Oh my God. That's three times as long as it takes me."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 12

Michael: "Do you know what it's like to be disabled?"
Phyllis: "I had scoliosis as a girl."
Michael: "Never heard of it. No... a real disability, not a woman's trouble."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 12

Michael: "If you like her so much, don't give up!"
Jim: "She's engaged."
Michael: "Pff... BFD. Engaged ain't married. Never, ever, ever give up."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 11

Shalax, Pam. Stop Pam-MSing!

The Office - Season 2 Episode 6

Michael: "I have to let somebody go today. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do."
Pam: "Why did you put it off until Halloween?"
Michael: "Because it's very scary stuff."

The Office - Season 2 Episode 5

I'm like Mr. Miyagi and Yoda rolled into one.

The Office - Season 2 Episode 4

Master Yoda Mr. Miyagi

A guy goes to a $5 lady of the night and he gets crabs. So the next day, he goes back to complain. And the woman says, "Hey, it was only $5. What did you expect, lobster?"

The Office - Season 2 Episode 2

There's no such thing as an appropriate joke - that's why it's a joke.

The Office - Season 2 Episode 2

Quotes about Michael Scott

I've got three cases of imported beer. Karaoke Maschine. And I didn't invite Michael. So three ingredients for a great party.

Jim Halpert in The Office - Season 2 Episode 9

Karaoke

Didn't know that was your girl when she gave me top
Kicked her out the Rolls said, 'Thanks a lot'
Goddamn, I love paper like I'm Michael Scott
I can do things that your man cannot

Post Malone - Candy Paint, Album: beerbongs & bentleys

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Pam: "Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office."
Jim: "No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place."
Pam: "Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed."
Jim: "And a shower."

Jim Halpert in The Office - Season 7 Episode 16

Shower

Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a depression-era practicality, and then moved to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

Dwight Schrute in The Office - Season 5 Episode 17

Birthday

It's like I used to tell my wife: "I do not apologize unless I think I'm wrong. And if you don't like it, you can leave." And I say the same thing to my current wife. And I'll say it to my next one too.

Stanley Hudson in The Office - Season 4 Episode 12

Apologize

Karen Filippelli: "You can't give paperclips to a baby. He could swallow."
Creed Bratton: "Oh, it's okay. I've got tons of 'em."

Creed Bratton in The Office - Season 3 Episode 9

Don't waste your love on somebody who doesn't value it.

William Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet

The best Quotes by Michael Scott

Quotes about Michael Scott

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