The best Quotes from Mean Girls

"Dawn Schweitzer is a fat virgin."
"Still half true."

Student: "Nice wig, Janis. What's it made of?"
Janis: "Your mom's chest hair!"

Gretchen, I'm sorry I laughed at you that time you got diarrhea at Barnes & Nobles. And I'm sorry for telling everyone about it. And I'm sorry for repeating it now.

At your age, you're going to have a lot of urges. You're going to want to take off your clothes, and touch each other. But if you do touch each other, you will get chlamydia... and die.

Calling somebody else fat won't make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn't make you any smarter. And ruining Regina George's life definitely didn't make me any happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.

I have a nephew named Anfernee, and I know how mad he gets when I call him Anthony. Almost as mad as I get when I think about the fact that my sister named him Anfernee.

Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total sl*t and no other girls can say anything about it.

I love her. She's like a Martian!

Don't have sex, because you will get pregnant and die! Don't have sex in the missionary position, don't have sex standing up, just don't do it, okay, promise? Okay... now everybody take some rubbers.

Get in loser, we're going shopping.

And on the third day, God created the Remington bolt-action rifle, so that Man could fight the dinosaurs. And the homosexuals.

Cady: "Yeah, I like math."
Damian: "Eww. Why?"
Cady: "Because it's the same in every country."

Gretchen: "That is so fetch!"
Regina: "Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! It's not going to happen!"

Karen: "If you're from Africa, why are you white?"
Gretchen: "Oh my God, Karen, you can't just ask people why they're white."

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

When choosing sexual partners, remember: talent is not sexually transmittable.

You can't be that kid standing at the top of the water slide, overthinking it. You have to go down the chute.

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

If you're worried about people seeing your ass, do what all the other girls do and tie a sweater around your waist.

Lord Melchett: "Ah, Blackadder, talking to yourself, I see."
Blackadder: "Yes, it's the only way I can be sure of intelligent conversation."

Baldrick: "I love my mum."
Blackadder: "And I love chops in sauce but I don't seek their advice."

The mind is a complex and many-layered thing, Potter... or at least, most minds are.

Christ, you two! All I can say is if I ever get anal polyps, I'll know what to name them.

Halloween. The one day of the year it's socially acceptable to play dress-up. The only question is, who do you want to be? There are costumes to make men feel like boys again. Or turn little girls into queens.

Like all good things the witching hour must come to an end. True natures are revealed. Tricks are turned into treats. And taking off costumes is as much fun as putting them on. Except for little girls who forget that Halloween is only one night. They wear their costumes for so long pretty soon they can’t even remember who they were before they put them on. XOXO - Gossip Girl.

Mankind invented the atomic bomb, but no mouse would ever construct a mousetrap.

I do not know how the Third World War will be fought, but I can tell you what they will use in the Fourth - rocks!

The wheel allowed people to travel around, trading things. But first, they needed to count how many things they owned. And that led to the tragic invention of maths.

Remember those teachers from the 90s who told you that you wouldn't always have a calculator in your pocket in the future? I'd love to smack my smartphone into his face today!

Your cells age at half the rate of a normal human. When you're 40, you'll still have the leucocytes of a teenager.