Quotes by Max Black

Max Black is a character from 2 Broke Girls

Quotes by Max Black

Max: 'How old are you gonna be?'
Earl: '75'
Max: 'Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger...'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
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Hey, if you got a second - stop staring at my boobs!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
 
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I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my vagina.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
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Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.

ReligionMax Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 21
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You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sluts!

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 21
 
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Han Lee: 'Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude.'
Max: 'There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 12
 
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Han Lee: 'Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?'
Max: 'Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!'

InstagramMax Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 11
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Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.

ThanksgivingMax Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 10
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Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 9
 
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Han Lee: 'Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty.'
Max: 'What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 8
 
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Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 7
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Caroline: 'I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later.'
Max: 'Well, according to my research most men come sooner.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 7
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Han Lee: 'Hipsters like karaoke!'
Max: 'Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 4
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Earl: 'Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?'
Max: 'I got you pregnant?'
Earl: 'Come on, bad, bad.'
Max: 'I got you pregnant again?'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 4
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Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 2
 
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Caroline: 'No need to yell, he's a champion.'
Max: 'Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard.'
Caroline: 'That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn.'
Max: 'Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 2
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Max: 'Hi, ready to order?'
Guest: 'Do you have anything that's really special?'
Max: 'Not according to my high school guidance counselor.'

High SchoolMax Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 2
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Caroline: 'What'd you see in that guy, anyway?'
Max: 'He had these muscle thingies.'
Caroline: 'Oh, those things?'
Max: 'Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
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Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack whores. But then he took it over and ruined it.

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
 
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Guest: 'Excuse me, where is my waitress?'
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: 'She's coming.'

Max Black in 2 Broke Girls, Season 1 Episode 1
 
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