Twitter is stupid and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read.
2 Broke Girls - Season 2 Episode 2
9Max: "How old are you gonna be?"
Earl: "75"
Max: "Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger..."
Earl: "75"
Max: "Oh, Earl, if you were just three years younger..."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
2I wear knit hats when it's cold out. You wear knit hats 'cause of Coldplay.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my v-gina.
You have tattoos to piss off your dad. My dad doesn't know he's my dad.
And finally, you think this is the sound that gets you service. I think, this is the sound that dries up my v-gina.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
2Scaring people into participating isn't success, it's Scientology.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21
3You're asking me if I have any gum? That's like asking New Jersey if it has any sl-ts!
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 21
Han Lee: "Perhaps we'll pump the brakes on sour waitress attitude."
Max: "There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break."
Max: "There's only one tool that can change my 'tude, but I'm gonna need two double-A batteries and a 20-minute break."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12
Han Lee: "Max, why did you kick out the hipsters?"
Max: "Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!"
Max: "Cause I could not be in the background of another Instagram photo!"
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 11
4Thanksgiving is almost here and as soon as people realize how much money they have to spend on holiday gifts, their wallets snap tighter than Kim Kardashian's legs after the wedding check cleared.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 10
2Last time I was at the gold space loft, I went to a poetry slam and I wound up slamming a poet.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9
Han Lee: "Booty call on billboard. If it's after 2:30, call is for the dirty."
Max: "What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?"
Max: "What's that from? Dr. Seuss' 'oh, the places you'll put it in'?"
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 8
1Do you think we can convince them that slapping each other's face is the new high five?
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7
5Caroline: "I'm much more concerned with our business and getting my head back above water. Men will come sooner or later."
Max: "Well, according to my research most men come sooner."
Max: "Well, according to my research most men come sooner."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7
2Han Lee: "Hipsters like karaoke!"
Max: "Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history."
Max: "Replace the word 'like' with the word 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4
2Earl: "Max, what is the worst sentence you ever want to come out of Han's mouth?"
Max: "I got you pregnant?"
Earl: "Come on, bad, bad."
Max: "I got you pregnant again?"
Max: "I got you pregnant?"
Earl: "Come on, bad, bad."
Max: "I got you pregnant again?"
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 4
3Robbie, if I were gonna go lesbian, she would be the last 'les' I'd 'be in'.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2
Caroline: "No need to yell, he's a champion."
Max: "Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard."
Caroline: "That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn."
Max: "Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now."
Max: "Champion stink bomb. It's smelling pretty ripe out in that yard."
Caroline: "That's not Chestnut, that's Brooklyn."
Max: "Okay, well, I'm watching 'The Champion' drop some steaming hot 'Brooklyn' right now."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2
2Max: "Hi, ready to order?"
Guest: "Do you have anything that's really special?"
Max: "Not according to my high school guidance counselor."
Guest: "Do you have anything that's really special?"
Max: "Not according to my high school guidance counselor."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 2
4Caroline: "What'd you see in that guy, anyway?"
Max: "He had these muscle thingies."
Caroline: "Oh, those things?"
Max: "Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid."
Max: "He had these muscle thingies."
Caroline: "Oh, those things?"
Max: "Yeah. I don't know what those are called, but they make smart girls stupid."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
2Eight months ago he bought it from the Russian mob. Clientele used to be all eastern bloc criminals and crack wh*res. But then he took it over and ruined it.
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
Guest: "Excuse me, where is my waitress?"
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: "She's coming."
[Paulina moaning]
Max Black: "She's coming."
2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
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Max: "Earl, can you break some 20s? The big spenders at table two wanna split their $11 check three ways - even though one person did all the eating."
Earl: "I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened."
Earl: "I was in a three-way once. Same thing happened."
Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12
3That girl is workin' harder than Stephen Hawking tryin' to put in a pair of cufflinks.
Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
3This neighborhood is definitely on the rise. I remember a time when a black man couldn't get a cab around here. And that time was Wednesday.
Earl Washington in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 7
2I think it'd be better for everyone, including my immune system, if I just keep on wearing what I'm wearing and not the apron, 'cause this is Chanel.
Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
1Robbie: "I'm Robbie."
Caroline: "I'm uncomfortable. You're getting me wet."
Robbie: "That's the point."
Caroline: "I'm uncomfortable. You're getting me wet."
Robbie: "That's the point."
Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 1
Listen, hit me with one more dead president and you'll be six feet under with Biggie and Tupac. You understand me, Jew-Tang Clan?
Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 17
Oleg: "If I knew we were gonna have staff meetings after work, I would've taken job at T.G.I. Friday instead. Over there, they roll fast and loose."
Han Lee: "Well, this is how I roll."
Max: "Yeah, short and slow."
Han Lee: "No, I roll fast and furious... Tokyo Drift style."
Han Lee: "Well, this is how I roll."
Max: "Yeah, short and slow."
Han Lee: "No, I roll fast and furious... Tokyo Drift style."
Han Lee in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 12
Max: "I kissed Johnny."
Caroline: "What? When?"
Max: "He came by the apartment right after you left."
Caroline: "I was only gone 20 minutes. What'd you do - shine a bat symbol on your v*gina?"
Caroline: "What? When?"
Max: "He came by the apartment right after you left."
Caroline: "I was only gone 20 minutes. What'd you do - shine a bat symbol on your v*gina?"
Caroline Channing in 2 Broke Girls - Season 1 Episode 9
But she said, where'd you wanna go?
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss
I want something just like this
How much you wanna risk?
I'm not looking for somebody
With some superhuman gifts
Some superhero
Some fairytale bliss
Just something I can turn to
Somebody I can kiss
I want something just like this
Coldplay - Something Just Like This, Album: Memories...Do Not Open
I'll cry at the end of the day. Not with fresh makeup.
The bigger the lie, the more people believe in it.
A cow is a cow, no matter how many instagram filters you put on it.
Lucrecia Montesinos Hendrich in Élite - Season 2 Episode 1
2Everyone is shaving their p*ssy. And hipsters these days have beards. So society has the same amount of hair, just on different c*nts.
If you've been sexually harassed or assaulted write "me too" as a reply to this tweet.
Alyssa Milano - via Twitter, 15.10.2017 #metoo
1Back boobs! The visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style... patent pending.
Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 20
2Religion is dangerous because it allows human beings who don't have all the answers to think that they do.
This is why you never go to New Jersey!
I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.
I hate it when I loudly sing along to a song and the interpreter doesn't get the lyrics right.