Quotes by Maury the Hormone Monster

Jay: "How else are men supposed to get bj0bs?"
Maury: "You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say, 'Dinner is served'."

You're gonna sit on his face and use that hair as a seat belt.

Puberty Fairy?! I'm the hormone monster. I'm no fairy. I mean sure I like to f-ck around with dudes, but I'm no fairy.

I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

You somehow made farting even cooler!

Kids just don't nut like they used to.

Wrong? We're in Florida. The state bird is a chicken finger.

Smile, but with your p3nis.

I just wish you could see your d1ck the way I do.

I mean, maybe if it's animated we can get away with it.

We hate camp. It stinks like trees. And the boy only likes to poop at home.

This kid is a goddamn prodigy. I think he's his own hormone monster.

Show her you like her. Kick her in the shins!