The best Quotes by Maury the Hormone Monster

Jay: "How else are men supposed to get bj0bs?"
Maury: "You lean your head back, arch your crotch in the air and say, 'Dinner is served'."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 8

You're gonna sit on his face and use that hair as a seat belt.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 10

Puberty Fairy?! I'm the hormone monster. I'm no fairy. I mean sure I like to f*ck around with dudes, but I'm no fairy.

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I know this all seems embarrassing right now but maybe one day you'll look back on this time fondly and perhaps even make something beautiful out of it.

Big Mouth

You somehow made farting even cooler!

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 11

Kids just don't nut like they used to.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

Wrong? We're in Florida. The state bird is a chicken finger.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 5

Florida

Smile, but with your p3nis.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I just wish you could see your d1ck the way I do.

Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

I mean, maybe if it's animated we can get away with it.

Big Mouth

We hate camp. It stinks like trees. And the boy only likes to poop at home.

Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 1

This kid is a goddamn prodigy. I think he's his own hormone monster.

Big Mouth

Show her you like her. Kick her in the shins!

Big Mouth

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Andrew: "Jay's been bragging that he's gonna get fingered at the dance."
Nick: "What? First of all, I think he's got that wrong. Either that or you have grossly misquoted him."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Those girls are gonna eat him alive, and then barf him out because they're bulimic.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I'm not gonna ask a girl. I don't need that kind of rejection.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I gotta withhold my seed for the safety of mankind.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

If I was gonna f*ck a turkey, I would warm it up, like a goddamn gentleman!

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 1

"Sorry, bro, she wants a real man. Ninth grade, top of the food chain."
Nick: "Um, actually, sweets and fats are at the top of the food chain."
Andrew: "Oh, poor Nick. He's confusing the food pyramid with the food chain."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Andrew: "When you do kiss a girl, to make it official..."
Nick: "...there's gotta be tongue!"
Andrew: "Major tongue."
Nick: "You want to flick your tongue around."
Andrew: "Ideally."
Nick: "And you really want to get your tongue underneath hers too."
Andrew: "Yeah, you want to get in there like a Claritin to just dissolve."
Nick: "Yeah. We know what we're talking about."
Andrew: "It's nice to talk like men."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

I am not a kid, for your information. I am 60 years old. I remember when Moses was president.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

Nick: "I mean until Trump got elected, Harriet Tubman was going to be on the $20 bill."
Andrew: "Oh yeah, what happened with that?"
Nick: "I think it's gonna be Papa John now."

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 7

Harriet Tubman

Gay Town sounds fun, but I've thought a lot about it, and I belong in Biami.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 8

Eleanor Roosevelt once said, quote, "Do one thing every day that scares you," closed quote. And I think this red bra scares both of us.

Jessi Glaser in Big Mouth

Eleanor Roosevelt

What is the point of research papers? Every thing's on Wikipedia, and it's all completely accurate.

Nick Birch in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 6

Wikipedia

I'm like Young Sheldon... if he fed.

Jay Bilzerian in Big Mouth - Season 3 Episode 9

Young Sheldon

Listen to me! You want to shoplift lipstick, you want to listen to Lana Del Rey on repeat while you cut up all your t-shirts. You want to scream at your mother and then laugh at her tears!

Connie in Big Mouth

Lana Del Rey

My whole body is tense, like Joe Biden is whispering a dirty joke in my ear.

Andrew Glouberman in Big Mouth - Season 4 Episode 8

Joe Biden

Diane Birch: "Before I met your father I was with some men who were very well-endowed. And honestly, it was too much for me. Your father's p is my glass slipper."
Elliot Birch: "And you're my Cinderella."

Big Mouth - Season 1 Episode 1

Cinderella

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Jerry Seinfeld

Florida

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

New York Jets

The best Quotes by Maury the Hormone Monster

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