The best Quotes by Matt Groening

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You've succeeded in showing me life is worth living, by showing me how bad my funeral will suck.

Bender in Futurama - Season 3 Episode 17

Bender in Futurama - Season 1 Episode 1

That's the saltiest thing I've ever eaten… and I once ate a big heaping bowl of salt.

Philip J. Fry in Futurama - Season 1 Episode 7

Professor: "I'm sorry, Fry, but astronomers renamed Uranus in 2620 to end that stupid joke once and for all."
Fry: "Oh, what's it called now?"
Professor: "Urectum."

Professor Farnsworth in Futurama

Dwight: "I heard beer makes you stupid."
Fry: "No I'm… doesn't!"

Philip J. Fry in Futurama

This is the worst kind of discrimination. The kind against me.

Bender in Futurama

Why can't she just drink herself happy like a normal person?

Bender in Futurama

They're like sex, except I'm having them.

Philip J. Fry in Futurama

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 18

Alcohol Toasts

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a p-rn star!

Abraham Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 19

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 9 Episode 5

Weapons NRA

This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 24 Episode 5

USA Food

I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 5 Episode 3

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 10

Beer

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Alcohol Beer Brain

This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 24 Episode 4

Museums

Whoa, this is big. I really need some time to drink about this.

Princess Bean in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 4

Man, after-work drinks taste so much better than instead-of-work drinks.

Princess Bean in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 4

Elfo: "What about me? Nobody cared either time I came back to life."
Luci: "I was disappointed both times. Disappointment's a form of caring."

Luci in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 3

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

Prince Derek in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 3

Power Kings

I always wanted to get lost in a labyrinth. It's like a puzzle you solve with your feet.

Elfo in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 2

Feet

Oh my gosh, it's exactly like my bedroom from when I was little! What are these frilly dresses doing in my liquor cabinet?

Princess Bean in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 1

By order of the king, me, Derek, I, we do declare Dreamland is now a theocracy. All power emanates from this holy throne and the ass therein ensconced.

Prince Derek in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 1

You know, if there's one thing I've learned, it's when you're stuck in a cave with your psycho mum, the best thing to do is play along.

Luci in Disenchantment - Season 3 Episode 1

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 14 Episode 2

Marriage

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 5 Episode 18

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons

Beer

Haven't Luke Skywalker and Santa Claus affected your lives more than most real people in this room? I mean, whether Jesus is real or not, he's had a bigger impact on the world than any of us have. And the same could be said of Bugs Bunny... and Superman and Harry Potter. They've changed my life, changed the way I act on the Earth. Doesn't that make them kind of real?

Kyle Broflovski in South Park - Season 11 Episode 12

Luke Skywalker Superman Bugs Bunny Imagination Santa Claus

Two worst things as can happen to a child is never to have his own way - or always to have it.

Frances Hodgson Burnett - The Secret Garden

Upbringing

The future is easy because it doesn't exist; but the past is painful because it lives forever.

Fred Durst

Future Past

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.

William Paul Young in The Shack

Friendship Family

Gimme your biggest, strongest, cheapest drink!

Bender in Futurama

Valentine's Day is coming? Oh crap - I forgot to get a girlfriend again.

Philip J. Fry in Futurama

Good news, everyone! I've taught the toaster to feel love.

Professor Farnsworth in Futurama

I took the liberty of fertilizing your caviar.

Dr. Zoidberg in Futurama

Homer: "Do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"

Marge Simpson in The Simpsons

USA

We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Cletus Spuckler in The Simpsons - Season 18 Episode 14

I only got in trouble once, and... um.. Daddy Elfo um... slapped me on the bum bum.

Elfo in Disenchantment - Season 1 Episode 3

Luci: "I can't believe he called you a worthless, bucktoothed degenerate."
Bean: "He didn't say that."
Luci: "Doesn't make it any less true."

Luci in Disenchantment - Season 1 Episode 5

Bean: "Wow, that's the best soup I ever had!"
Dagmar: "It's Whiskey."

Princess Bean in Disenchantment - Season 2 Episode 1

Whiskey

The saddest thing in life is havin' to say goodbye to the person you want to spend that life with.

King Zøg in Disenchantment - Season 2 Episode 4

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Matt Groening

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