The best Quotes from Master of None

Rachel: "I barely remember anything from that night, except for that you're from South Carolina, you have a younger brother, your dad's a doctor, and you went to a public high school for students, gifted in math and science."
Dev: "Yeah. But don't you feel like those are just assumptions you can make about any Indian person?"

I feel like there should be an app that analyzes your tum and tells you what you want to eat.

Long term relationships are tough. You can't just expect a big, roaring fire right away, right? You know, you can't put the big logs in first. You start with the small stuff. Kindling, all right? Then you add that, then you put in the big logs and then you have a roaring fire. And that's a good relationship. But be careful, sometimes kindling is hard to find, you know? Good wood. So, don't take it for granted.

Dev: "You see The Social Network? Max Minghella plays an Indian guy. He's white. They browned him up."
Ravi: "No no, I read he's one-sixteenth Indian."
Dev: "Who cares? If you go back far enough we're all one-sixteenth something. I'm probably one-sixteenth black. You think they're gonna let me play Blade?"

Going to Whole Foods, want me to pick you up anything?

Why do they call it Plan B? I mean, is Plan A having the kid? That's a terrible plan.

"Did they live happily ever after?"
"I don't know about ever after, but they're pretty happy now."

No, I just wanted to do one dinner. I don't want, like, a serious relationship with my father.

Your IMDb page is full of Indian stereotypes.

There's probably so many people that are capable of incredible things that just don't get the opportunity. I always say that if I didn't write Master of None, nobody would've given me this part.

In Italy, you know you've found a truly authentic restaurant when they don't have an English menu. In India, it's when there are no utensils and you must eat with your hands.

Be nice to people and work hard!

What you really want is someone you can hang around with on a Sunday afternoon and watch a TV show with, and do nothing, and feel like it's the most fun ever.

I was a dishwasher at one of those Japanese places that cook on your table. Not too fun.

A lot of people my age think stand up sucks.

Do It Under the Influence Yourself! That's what we're shooting for! Get drunk and make your dreams come true.

Every time I've done comedy in, like, traditional comedy clubs, there's always these comedians that do really well with audiences but that the other comedians hate because they're just, you know, doing kind of cheap stuff like dancing around or doing, like, very kind of base sex humor a lot, and stuff like that.

For the majority of the time, I may as well have been just a really tan white kid. You know, I may as well have just been, like, a fat kid.

Aunties are older Indian women who have no blood-relation to you. But are allowed to have opinions about your life and all your shortcomings. And you have to be nice to them because you're Indian.

Even in the darkness, diamonds still shine.

Why would anyone want to be a pirate? It's the best thing there is. Wind in your back. The salty sea air. Loyal crew by your side.

What if everything that came from the past were influenced by the future?

It takes much more courage to be in love than it does for war.

Don't exploit an advantage just because it emerges; wait until the optimal moment, then strike.

Ats Ayittey: "Excuse me but this is the quiet carriage."
Stefan Tovell: "Shut the f*ck up then."

"Hey. Do you like bad boys?"
"Sure do. Let me know if you find one."

Marcus: "My bike. It's gone. She took it."
Max: "So that's like Grand Theft Auto. Or Grand Theft Bike."

Aimee: "Did you know you need, like, sugar and flour and an oven to bake? And you don't shove it all in, you have to follow alle these rules."
Maeve: "Yeah, it's called a recipe."

I think love should come out of nowhere, sweep you up completely.

The people's rage. It is like an illness, an ulcer. And ulcers must be cauterized.

People say Hawkins is cursed. They're not way off.

Weems: "No doubt you'll find something that tickles your fancy."
Wednesday: "The last person who tickled me lost a finger."

I'm responsible for my own happiness? I can't even be responsible for my own breakfast!

Even people that have made mistakes deserve happiness.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"