Quote by Marshall Eriksen (about Weddings)

Quote by Marshall Eriksen (about Weddings)

Ted: "Do not pretend you're not the kind of guy, who keeps a list of all the girls he slept with."
Marshall: "I have one. It's called my marriage-license."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 14

1

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Marshall: "It's kind of a big, professional meeting. You might want to trade out that lollipop for a shirt."
Ted: "Yeah. I'll just give it to one of these kids."
Marshall: "Oh, buddy. You're half naked, you're not a parent to any of these children. Don't offer 'em candy!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 9

2

When you do one good deed, it creates a ripple effect. One good deed leads to another and another.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 8

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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 7

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Marshall: "Excuse me, miss. When you get a chance, could you bring over a hundred shots of tequila please?"
Barney: "I'll have the same."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 22

2

Marshall: "The broken windows?"
Lily: "We had to make it look realistic."
Marshall: "But why did you break two of them?"
Robin: "It looked like fun when she did it, so I wanted to try."
Marshall: "I can't believe this whole time it was you guys; I've been blaming Really Tan Dancing Leotard guy."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 17

2

Robin: "Can you guys keep a secret?"
Lily: "Yeah."
Marshall: "Well, some of us can..."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 16

1

Ted: "The road to this day has had a few twists and turns, hasn't it?"
Marshall: "Yeah... just a few. In a weird way, it all makes sense though, doesn't it?"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 24

1

Marshall: "The last time I lived this far from him, was my semester abroad."
Lily: "You never did a semester abroad?"
Marshall: "That's what I called it, when we lived on opposite sides of the campus."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 14

1

Lily: "A big package just arrived."
Marshall: "Yeah, it did."
Lily: "No, no. It's a real package from your dad."
Marshall: "Well, that's a little weird, but yeah, it is."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 1

1

Wherein I suggested that you take your head and store it within yourself, in a fashion that, while space-saving, might limit its exposure to sunshine.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 11

1

Lily: "Whenever we board a flight, you lick the plane!"
Marshall: "Have we crashed even once?"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 1

1

The only person on earth, who loves Ted Mosby more than Marshall Eriksen, is drunk Marshall Eriksen!

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 1

1

Stella hated Star Wars! She lied to you. Search your feelings, Ted. You know it to be true!

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 6

1

Quotes about Star Wars

Barney: "On your tombstone, it will be, 'Lily Aldrin. Caring wife. Loving friend. Slapbet-Commissioner.'"
Marshall: "And your tombstone will read, 'Got slapped by Marhsall so hard he died.'"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 9

1

Barney Stinson Lily Aldrin

A drum roll?! That's it? So what, you just said good night, came home and... performed a drum solo?

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 1 Episode 13

1

Marshall: "Except the flames of Lucifer keep singein our back bumper as we drive through this hellish, cheese-infected wasteland."
Lily: "Wisconsin?"
Marshall: "Wisconsin!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 3

Robin: "I'm drinking 'til I forget the 1999 NFC Championship?"
Marshall: "The Vikings were two minutes away from going to the Super Bowl, when our kicker, who hadn't missed all year, shanked a field goal, and we lost in overtime. Damn!"

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 11

Minnesota Vikings

Ted: "It's freezing out there. Where's your coat?"
Robin: "Ted, I'm Canadian. I don't need a coat. This kind of weather is nothing for me."
Marshall: "Yeah. This is like a spring day back in Minnesota."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 11

Canada Minnesota

Lily: "We don't wanna burden our little angel with all kinds of gender-specific expectations. Boys can do ballet, girls can play football."
Marshall: "Hell, the Green Bay Packers have been proving that for years."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 6

Green Bay Packers

Marshall: "Robin, I need you to delete the last text that Lily got before she sees it."
Robin: "Bro, it's my wedding weekend. Just because you didn't know better than to take a naked selfie while you were in the coldest part of the country..."
Marshall: "...first, I'm an Eriksen. Cold has a plumping effect."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 7

Barney: "I was having such a good time greasing 12-year-olds."
Ted: "LaserTag."
Marshall: "Helpful. Continue."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 4

I'm from Minnesota, where there's plenty hot-dogs for everyone. Perhaps even too many...

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 2

Lily: "Okay, stop! Every time he lands, that chair farts out ten-year-old Dorito dust."
Marshall: "Yeah, it's the chair..."

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

Italy doesn't need something that is wrinkled, red and leaky, and smells like booze and narcotics. They've already got former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi.

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

Silvio Berlusconi Italy

You're gonna get endless requests to play some game, that has something to do with gangsters and farming!

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 13

The biggest case of my life and I'd already lost the jury. I mean, I've heard of "Twelve Angry Men", but this was more like "Twelve Horny Women".

Marshall Eriksen in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 8

It's only once you've stopped, that you realize how hard it is to start again. So you force yourself not to want it.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 3

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Breakup Beginning

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

16

If you're looking for the word that means caring for someone beyond all rationality and wanting them to have everything they want, no matter how much it destroys you, it's love!

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 17

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Barney: "Our wedding is gonna be legendary."
Robin: "No wait for it?"
Barney: "I've got you, I don't have to wait for it anymore."

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 1

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Love declerations

Girlfriend is such a stupid word. I couldn't stand calling her that. So, we had to get married, so I could call her "wife".

Gayle Forman

12

Love is friendship that has caught fire. It is quiet understanding, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weaknesses.

Ann Landers

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Underneath all of those lies is one true thing. One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and that's the fact that I love you.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 18

11

Love declerations

When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead. True Story.

Barney Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 2 Episode 1

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Kids, you can't cling to the past. Because no matter how tight you hold on... it's already gone.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 23

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Nobody likes to be alone, especially after a breakup. But that's when we discover who we really are and what we really want.

Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 10

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Breakup Solitude & Loneliness Seperation & Breakup

Well, maybe this isn't a breakup. Maybe this is two friends getting back together.

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 5 Episode 7

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Friendship Relationships

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

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Bilbo Baggins The Hobbit Nerds Quotes about Harry Potter Quotes about Lord of the Rings

Your heart's talking to you, Barney. Do you have the guts to listen to it?

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 18

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Lily: "Just give me his name!"
Robin: "Fine. It's Bill Pepper."
Lily: "Kind of a coincidence there happens to be a bill and a pepper shaker here on the table. Any chance you and Bill had a three-way with Fork Napkin?"

Lily Aldrin in How I Met Your Mother - Season 6 Episode 7

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Quinn: "In the event of divorce, Miss Garvey shall get full custody of Mr. Stinson's suits."
Barney: "Why? What would you do with them?"
Quinn: "Nothing. I'd just sit around and watch them go out of style."

Quinn Garvey in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 2

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If we miss Hawaii because of this, guess who's not doing "The Disappearing Salami" anytime soon?

Quinn Garvey in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 24

Ted: "Robin and I already had our backslide. Last Thanksgiving, not even that long ago."
Stella: "Did you place a large bet against yourself?"

Stella Zinman in How I Met Your Mother - Season 4 Episode 5

Ted: "We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door."
Stella: "Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow."

Stella Zinman in How I Met Your Mother - Season 3 Episode 18

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Barney: "You avoiding the family too?"
James: "I'm gay, I'm black and I'm getting a divorce. Those walking skeletons are gonna have more questions for me than their pharmacists."

James Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 9 Episode 3

Homosexuality & LGBTQ+Divorce

The Pork Authority is closed. Looks like it's Hand Central Station for you little buddy.

James Stinson in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 7

The baby slide right out, huh? It's like a 'whoosh', like a waterslide. [Lily screaming] Slightly painful waterslide.

Dr. Sonya in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

If you don't push, I will shove that baby up your throat and pull it out of your mouth!

Dr. Sonya in How I Met Your Mother - Season 7 Episode 23

If you start deporting every shady looking guy with questionable tattoos, who's gonna go to Jets games?

Jordan Klepper in The Daily Show

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Robin Scherbatsky

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Quinn Garvey

Stella Zinman

James Stinson