The best Quotes from Married... with Children

Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back!

Men, the one thing they're good for, they're not good at.

We all have to live with our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.

Peggy: "I want sex."
Al: "So do I, but I see no reason to drag you into it."

The last thing a guy wants to look at at the end of the day is a woman.

Behind every successful man is a woman who didn't marry me.

I, too, am a great believer in love. I want to find it myself some day. Let me give you a little bit of advice: Bed 'em, don't wed 'em. Do 'em, don't woo 'em. Date 'em, don't mate 'em.

Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed.

The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.

I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard.

Peg, if you want this house to look better, dust. If you want it to smell better, cook. If you want it to be happy, leave.

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.

We're Bundys. We don't call the cops. People call them on us.

This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had three smaller women orbiting around her.

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

When you find a man you wish to marry, Tessa, remember this: You will know what kind of man he is not by the things he says, but by the things he does.

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Disappoint someone - whatever. And disappoint the world. But never disappoint yourself!

You ever heard of opera? It's what those rich guys listen to at their banquets. It's all tenor this and falsetto that.

Chefkoch: "Well, if you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him."
Stan: "Marry him?"
Chefkoch: "It definitely worked for every woman i ever met."

When you lose everything, that's when you're finally free.