Quotes from Married... with Children

Insurance is like marriage. You pay and pay, and never get anything back!

Men, the one thing they're good for, they're not good at.

We all have to live with our disappointments. I have to sleep with mine.

Peggy: "I want sex."
Al: "So do I, but I see no reason to drag you into it."

The last thing a guy wants to look at at the end of the day is a woman.

I, too, am a great believer in love. I want to find it myself some day. Let me give you a little bit of advice: Bed 'em, don't wed 'em. Do 'em, don't woo 'em. Date 'em, don't mate 'em.

Behind every successful man is a woman who didn't marry me.

Dad had one great dream, a dream that had been handed down from generation to generation of male Bundys: to build their own room and live separately from their wives. Sadly, they all failed.

Peg, if you want this house to look better, dust. If you want it to smell better, cook. If you want it to be happy, leave.

I hate my life. Can't eat, can't sleep, can't bury the wife in the backyard.

The opera isn't over until the last heterosexual falls asleep.

I just want what every married woman wants, someone besides her husband to sleep with.

We're Bundys. We don't call the cops. People call them on us.

This woman came in and she was so fat she actually had three smaller women orbiting around her.