Whisky to a Scotsman is as innocent as milk to the rest of the human race.
Scotland, WhiskeyMark Twain'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read.
Mark TwainPatriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.
Governments, Patriotism & National PrideMark TwainIn the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.
Spring, WeatherMark TwainWhenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.
GermansMark Twain'You can go home now,' Tom told us.
'We'll meet next week. Then we can rob somebody and kill some people.'
I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.
Germans, BerlinMark TwainThe Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.
Germans, WineMark Twain in A Tramp AbroadThat's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.
Mark Twain in A Tramp AbroadI went often to look at the collection of curiosities in Heidelberg Castle, and one day I surprised the keeper of it with my German. I spoke entirely in that language. He was greatly interested; and after I had talked a while he said my German was very rare, possibly a 'unique'; and wanted to add it to his museum.
Germans, HeidelbergMark Twain in A Tramp AbroadThe two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.
BirthMark TwainMaybe not, maybe not. Cheer up, Becky, and let's go on trying.
Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom SawyerWho knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first.
Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom SawyerAh, if he could only die temporarily!
Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom SawyerYou don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.
Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry FinnIf you tell the truth you do not need a good memory.
TruthMark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry FinnI do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.
Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry FinnIf you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Mark TwainGood friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.
Mark TwainCencorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't cheew it
CensorshipMark TwainKeep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.
AmbitionMark TwainIt is my belief that Peter Pan is a great and refining and uplifting benefaction to this sordid and money-mad age; and the next best play is a long way behind.
Mark TwainThe secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.
Grief & Condolence, Humor & ComedyMark TwainA person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.
Books, Knowledge, ReadingMark TwainDon't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
Work & CarreerMark TwainA banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
Greed, Money, BankersMark TwainThousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.
Mark TwainIf you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Humanity, Gratitude, Animals & Pets, DogsMark TwainGiving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.
Smoking, Funny QuotesMark TwainThe difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.
Words, TruthMark TwainIt is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.
God, Freedom, ReasonMark TwainThe higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, also.
Money, Work & CarreerMark TwainGerman literacy ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.
Germans, LanguagesMark TwainLet us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles.
Life, Humanity, Craziness & WeirdnessMark TwainWhen I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
Children & Childhood, FathersMark Twain