Quotes by Mark Twain

Mark Twain, real name Samuel Langhorne Clemens, was an American writer, humorist, entrepreneur, publisher, and lecturer. Among his novels are The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and its sequel, the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, the latter often called "The Great American Novel". Twain was raised in Hannibal, Missouri, which later provided the setting for Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn.

Quotes by Mark Twain

Whisky to a Scotsman is as innocent as milk to the rest of the human race.

- Mark TwainScotland, Whiskey

'Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read.

- Mark Twain

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

- Mark TwainGovernment, Patriotism & National Pride

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

- Mark TwainGolf

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

- Mark TwainSpring, Weather

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

- Mark TwainMotivation

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

- Mark TwainMother

Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him till he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth.

- Mark TwainGermans

'You can go home now,' Tom told us.
'We'll meet next week. Then we can rob somebody and kill some people.'

- Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

I don't believe there is anything in the whole earth that you can't learn in Berlin except the German language.

- Mark TwainGermans, Berlin

An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.

- Mark TwainPolitics, Honesty

The Germans are exceedingly fond of Rhine wines; they are put up in tall, slender bottles, and are considered a pleasant beverage. One tells them from vinegar by the label.

- Mark Twain in A Tramp AbroadGermans, Wine

That's the difference between governments and individuals. Governments don't care, individuals do.

- Mark Twain in A Tramp Abroad

I went often to look at the collection of curiosities in Heidelberg Castle, and one day I surprised the keeper of it with my German. I spoke entirely in that language. He was greatly interested; and after I had talked a while he said my German was very rare, possibly a 'unique'; and wanted to add it to his museum.

- Mark Twain in A Tramp AbroadGermans, Heidelberg

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

- Mark TwainBirth

Maybe not, maybe not. Cheer up, Becky, and let's go on trying.

- Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Who knows, he may grow up to be President someday, unless they hang him first.

- Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

Ah, if he could only die temporarily!

- Mark Twain in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer

You don't know about me without you have read a book by the name of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer; but that ain't no matter. That book was made by Mr. Mark Twain, and he told the truth, mainly. There was things which he stretched, but mainly he told the truth.

- Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

If you tell the truth you do not need a good memory.

- Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry FinnTruth

I do not wish any reward but to know I have done the right thing.

- Mark Twain in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

Too much of anything is bad, but too much good whiskey is barely enough.

- Mark TwainAlcohol, Whiskey

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

- Mark Twain

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

- Mark Twain

Cencorship is telling a man he can't have a steak just because a baby can't cheew it

- Mark TwainCensorship

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

- Mark TwainAmbition

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

- Mark TwainHeart, Love

It is my belief that Peter Pan is a great and refining and uplifting benefaction to this sordid and money-mad age; and the next best play is a long way behind.

- Mark Twain

The secret source of Humor itself is not joy but sorrow.

- Mark TwainGrief, Humor & Comedy

A person who won't read has no advantage over one who can't read.

- Mark TwainBooks, Knowledge, Reading

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

- Mark TwainWork & Carreer

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

- Mark TwainGreed, Money, Bankers

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

- Mark Twain

Preserve your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but not live.

- Mark TwainDreaming

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

- Mark TwainHumanity, Gratitude, Animals, Dogs

Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.

- Mark TwainOpinions

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

- Mark TwainSmoking, Funny Quotes

The difference between the almost right word and the right word is the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.

- Mark TwainWords, Truth

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

- Mark TwainGod, Freedom, Reason

The higher the pay in enjoyment the worker gets out of it, the higher shall be his pay in cash, also.

- Mark TwainMoney, Work & Carreer

German literacy ought to be gently and reverently set aside among the dead languages, for only the dead have time to learn it.

- Mark TwainGermans, Languages

Let us consider that we are all partially insane. It will explain us to each other; it will unriddle many riddles.

- Mark TwainLife, Humanity, Craziness & Weirdness

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them.

- Mark TwainKnowledge

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

- Mark TwainKindness

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

- Mark TwainChildren & Childhood, Fathers