The best Quotes by Marge Simpson

Homer: "Do you want the job done right or do you want it done fast?"
Marge: "Well, like all Americans… fast!"

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a p-rn star!

If I didn't have this gun, the king of England could walk right in here and start pushing you around.

This is America. Anyone can eat what they want, as long as they eat too much.

I am so smart, I am so smart! S-M-R-T!

No son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for daddies, and kids with fake IDs.

All right, brain. You don't like me and I don't like you, but let's just do this and I can get back to killing you with beer.

This room is like a museum of old, useless crap... by which I mean every museum.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

Just because I don't care, doesn't mean I don't understand.

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Ah, beer, my one weakness. My Achille's heel, if you will.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene'.

Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is another nail.

If you don't like your job, you don't strike: you just go in every day and do it really half a-sed. That's the American way.

If there is a country that has committed unspeakable atrocities in the world, it is the United States of America. They don’t care for human beings.

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.

Not only are you wrong... but you are belligerently sticking to your guns and insulting me in the process. Robin Scherbatsky, you are an American.

Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just,
And this be our motto: "In God is our trust"
And the star-spangled banner in triumph shall wave
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!

Americans are the best entertained and quite likely the least well-informed people in the Western world.

If you look at those matters, you will come to the conclusion that the attitude of the United States of America is a threat to world peace.

It is a common observation here that our cause is the cause of all mankind, and that we are fighting for their liberty in defending our own.

Where's the "any key"? Hm... I think I order a "tab".

Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well… all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay!

Ooh, the Patriot Act is so terrible! The government might find out what library books I take out! What's next, finding out what operas I go to?

Good things don't end with "eum", they end with "mania" or "teria".

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power. Like God must feel when he's holding a gun.

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life.
Number 1: "Cover for me."
Number 2: "Oh, good idea, Boss!"
Number 3: "It was like that when I got here."

We home school 'em. I teach the big ones, and the big ones teach the little ones, but nobody taught me, so the whole thing is an exercise in futility.

Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"

What can I say, once you go white, you always stay tight. Hey, I think I just insulted myself.