The best Quotes by Macaulay Culkin

I could have gone the route of a lot of these former child actors, but I didn't want that for myself. Like I said, when I was 14 years old, I decided to quit. I didn't ever want to do it again.

I enjoy my life. I think I have a very good life. And I think I'm very satisfied with the direction of my career and just my lifestyle and everything like that. So I wouldn't change a single thing.

I lead a simple life. I feed the fish. I walk the dogs. I cook dinner. Occasionally I take a meeting.

I am a collection of thoughts and memories and likes and dislikes. I am the things that have happened to me and the sum of everything I've ever done. I am the clothes I wear on my back. I am every place and every person and every object I have ever come across. I am a bag of bones stuck to a very large rock spinning a thousand miles an hour.

I'm doing naughty things, I'm drinking too much, I'm going to clubs. It really didn't matter to me, other than the fact that some parents wouldn't let their kids hang out with me.

We all fell in love with the young Macaulay Culkin, back in the day.

No matter how big a splash you make in this world whether you're Corey Feldman, Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber or a talking teddy bear, eventually, nobody gives a shit.

Where are his glasses? He can't see without his glasses!

Thomas J.: "Vada?"
Vada: "Yeah?"
Thomas J.: "Would you think of me?"
Vada: "For what?"
Thomas J.: "Well, if you don't get to marry Mr. Bixler."
Vada: "I guess."

Thomas J.: "What do you think it's like?"
Vada: "What?"
Thomas J.: "Heaven."
Vada: "I think, everybody gets their own white horse and all they do is ride them and eat marshmallows all day. And everybody's best friends with everybody else. When you play sports, there's no teams, so nobody gets picked last."
Thomas J.: "But what if you're afraid to ride horses?"
Vada: "Doesn't matter 'cause they're not regular horses. They've got wings. And it's no big deal if you fall 'cause you'll just land in a cloud."

I used to like to play with my 'Ken and Barbie'-dolls. Ken was my favorite. Then one Christmas I got them a camper and all they wanted to do was hang out in it by themselves. So I wasn't too upset when they took that wrong turn and went over the cliff!

Weeping willow with your tears running down, why do you always weep and frown? Is it because he left you one day? is it because he could not stay? On your branches he would swing, do you long for the happiness that day would bring? He found shelter in your shade. You thought his laughter would never fade. Weeping willow, stop your tears. There is something to calm you fears. You think death has ripped you forever apart. But I know he'll always be in your heart.

You can be too old for a lot of things, but you're never too old to be afraid.

How can you give Kris Kringle a parking ticket on Christmas Eve? What's next, rabies shots for the Easter Bunny?

Waiter: "Two scoops of ice cream, sir?"
Kevin: "Two? Make it three. I'm not driving."

Bless this highly nutritious microwavable macaroni and cheese dinner and the people who sold it on sale. Amen.

Marv: "He's a kid. Kids are stupid. I know I was."
Harry: "You still are, Marv."

I can't go in there 'cause Uncle Frank's taking a shower. He says if I walked in there and saw him naked, I'd grow up never feeling like a real man.

Will you please tell Santa that instead of presents this year, I just want my family back.

Guys, I'm eating junk and watching rubbish. You better come out and stop me!

The hospital needs it more than I do. Besides, I'm probably gonna spend it on stuff that'll rot my teeth and my mind.

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

Lamar Jackson opening up, like Moses parting the Red Sea.

Troy Aikman: "That's a lot of jet fuel, just to do a little flyover."
Joe Buck: "That's your hard-earned money and your tax dollars at work."

John: "That's great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson."
Sam: "Who is that?"
Ted: "You ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy."

Ted: "Some women just have 'f me'-eyes."
Sam: "Do I have 'f*ck me'-eyes?"
Ted: "No, you have 'Give me the ring, my precious'-eyes."

Dance with me under the diamonds
See me like breath in the cold
Sleep with me here in the silence
Come kiss me, silver and gold

I was fifteen when the world put me on a pedestal
I had big dreams of doin' shows and making memories
Made some bad moves tryin' to act cool, upset by their jealousy

I don't think I forgot anyone. But I might have forgotten underwear. Bye!

Left my livin' fast somewhere in the past
'Cause that's for chasin' cars
Turns out open bars lead to broken hearts
And goin' way too far

For the soul, laughing is what oxygen is for the lungs.

It's not about the absence of fear. It's overcoming it.

If there hadn't been women we'd still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends.

My philosophy is: It's none of my business what people say of me and think of me.

My father always said, "Never trust anyone whose TV is bigger than their book shelf" - so I make sure I read.

We think too much and feel too little.

If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. But then, does he ever truly live?

One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.

I'm much more proud of being a father than being an actor.

I dream of a day where I walk down the street and hear people talk about Morality, Sustainibility and Philoshophy instead of the Kardashians.

It's easy to fool the eye but it's hard to fool the heart.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.