Quote by Louis C. K. (about Relationships, Marriage)

It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.

Louis C. K. - 2017

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Whenever you leave behind failure, you're doing good. If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.

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Louis C. K.

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The whole world is just made of people who didn't kill themselves today. That's whose here - it's all of us that went, "okay, I'll keep doing it."

Louis C. K. - 2017

Dark Humor

I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.

Louis C. K.

Men & Women

I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.

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Reducing Weight

What happens after you die? Lots of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you.

Louis C. K.

Death

I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.

Louis C. K.

Reducing Weight

People say "my phone sucks." No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.

Louis C. K.

Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots.

Louis C. K.

As a native Washingtonian, I am well aware that childhood obesity is a real problem in our nation's capital.

Dan Snyder

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The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.

Jay Leno

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Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down.

Robert Orben

Washington, D.C.

I call Washington "the city of the perishable".

Nancy Pelosi (as Speaker of the US House of Representatives)

Washington, D.C.

Let me give you a little bit of free advice. DC is all about realtionships.

Kimble Hookstraten in Designated Survivor - Season 1 Episode 9

Washington, D.C.

Alex: "You can't do that. You can't make promises that you won't be able to keep!"
Tom: "We're in Washington, they're the only promises we're allowed to make."

Thomas Adam Kirkman in Designated Survivor - Season 1 Episode 1

Washington, D.C.

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. But finding a true soul mate is an even better feeling. A soul mate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone.

Cecelia Ahern in P.S. I Love You

Love Relationships

Our fingerprints don't fade from the lifes of those we touch.

Remember Me

Soul Friendship Relationships

A happy marriage doesn't mean you have a perfect spouse or a perfect marriage. It simply means you've chosen to look beyond the imperfections in both.

Fawn Weaver

Relationships Perfection Marriage

Lucy, every marriage is a dance; complicated at times, lovely at times, most the time very uneventful. But with Mickey, there will be times when your dance will be on broken glass. There will be pain. And you will either flee that pain or hold tighter and dance through it to the next smooth place.

Ka Hancock in Dancing on Broken Glass

Relationships Marriage

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Karl Valentin

Illness & Sickness

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

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Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

Shooting Stars

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Money

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Kevin Hart

Gossip & Rumors

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

Spotify

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

Dave Chappelle

The last person that was excited about a check with Donald Trump's name on it was Stormy Daniels.

Oliver Welke in heute-show - Sendung vom 24.04.2020

Donald Trump Corona-Jokes

Anyone who tells you fatherhood is the greatest thing that can happen to you, they are understating it.

Mike Myers

Fathers

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Bob Hope

Kissing

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

Quote by Louis C. K. (about Relationships, Marriage)

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