Whenever you leave behind failure, you're doing good. If you think everything you've done is great, you're probably dumb.Failures & MistakesLouis C. K.
It's the way it works: Love plus time minus distance equals hate.Relationships, MarriageLouis C. K., 2017
Being popular with an audience is a very rickety ladder to be on.PopularityLouis C. K.
I have a solution for the pandemic, by the way. We test everybody. Everytime we find somebody who has COVID, we kill them. That's it. That's the solution. We won't need another one after that one.Corona-JokesLouis C. K.
The whole world is just made of people who didn't kill themselves today. That's whose here - it's all of us that went, "okay, I'll keep doing it."Louis C. K., 2017
I don't think women are better than men, I think men are a lot worse than women.Men & WomenLouis C. K.
I don't stop eating when I'm full. The meal isn't over when I'm full. It's over when I hate myself.Reducing WeightLouis C. K.
What happens after you die? Lots of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you.DeathLouis C. K.
I finally have the body I want. It's easy, actually, you just have to want a really shitty body.Reducing WeightLouis C. K.
People say "my phone sucks." No it doesn't! The shittiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.Louis C. K.
Now we live in an amazing, amazing world and it’s wasted on the crappiest generation of spoiled idiots.Louis C. K.