What I hear when I'm being yelled at is people caring really loudly at me.
I would like a glass of red wine and I'll take the cheapest one you have because I can't tell the difference.
I'm big enough to admit that I am often inspired by myself.
No matter what I do, literally nothing bad can happen to me. I'm like a white, male U.S. Senator.
Calzones are pointless. They're just pizza that's harder to eat. No one likes them.
The raccoon problem is under control. They have their part of the town and we have ours.
I don't want to be overdramatic, but today felt like a hundred years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.
I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.
Guys love it when you can show them you're better than they are at something they love.
We have to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third.
I'm gonna get drunk and then I'm gonna order a three-course meal where each course is made of dessert.
Everything hurts and I'm dying.
Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 17
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I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.
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I'm going to tell you a secret about everyone else's job: no one knows what they are doing. Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.
Ugh. I hate talking to people about things.
Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey sl*tty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens, pump your own stomachs this year!
There's only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water that is lying about being milk.
Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream, or be nothing.
Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets.
There has never been a sadness that can't be cured by breakfast food.
I had to call in a few favors. But if you don't call in favors to look at women in bikinis and assign them numerical grades, what the hell do you call in favors for?
I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to ‘cause then there's more room for me on the low road.
I'm like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it's like, okay, he's in there.
Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation - Season 3 Episode 13
I wasn't listening but I strongly disagree with Ann.
April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 4 Episode 21
Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.
Tom Haverford in Parks and Recreation - Season 5 Episode 6
Time is money; Money is power; Power is pizza; Pizza is knowledge. Let's go!
April Ludgate in Parks and Recreation - Season 6 Episode 10
She's the worst person I've ever met. I want to travel the world with her.
Idaho cut their parks department by 80 percent. And Idaho is basically one giant park.
The great things about taking big chances when you're younger is you have less to lose, and you don't know as much. So you take big swings.
Everything's better with some wine in the belly.
Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones - Season 1 Episode 2
9Salad. Salad is by far the best food in the world. Cheap to buy, easy to whip up, and filling.
Parks and Recreation
Ann Perkins
Amy Poehler
Wine
Salad