The best Quotes by Leonard Hofstadter

That's the great thing about California, you can almost go to the mountains and almost go to the beach on the same day.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 11

Leonard: "I can't believe you've never seen 'Raiders of the Lost Ark'."
Penny: "And I can't believe you've never read 'Eat, Pray, Love'."
Leonard: "When she comes out with 'Eat, Pray, Run away from a giant boulder', I'll read it."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 8

Sheldon: "At my age, do you know how I'm statistically most likely to die?"
Leonard: "At the hands of your roommate?"
Sheldon: "An accident."
Leonard: "That's how I'm going to make it look."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 2

Penny: "Yes, I will go out with you."
Leonard: "Really?"
Penny: "Yeah. Why not? I mean, what do I have to lose?"
Leonard: "Yeah. That's the spirit!"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "What a cute, little store... everybody's staring at me?"
Leonard: "Don't worry, they're more scared of you, than you are of them."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 20

Sheldon: "I'm not quite sure. It involves a part of the human experience that has always eluded me."
Leonard: "That narrows it down."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 4

Penny: "Oh, it's not a date, Leonard. It's just a man and a woman hanging out, not having sex at the end of the night."
Leonard: "Sounds like most of my dates."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 9

I'm tired of running to the gas station to use the bathroom. The guy makes me buy a Gatorade every time - it's a vicious circle.

The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 8

Toilet

Oh my god, I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda!

The Big Bang Theory

Master Yoda Nerds

Penny: "Leonard, I didn't know you played the cello."
Leonard: "Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 5

Nerds

Leonard: "Sorry 'bout your car, by the way."
Penny: "Oh no, it's fine. You got most of it out the window."
Leonard: "The poor guy on the bike."

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 3

Leoanrd: "Is this the high-IQ spermbank?"
Woman: "If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here!"

The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 1

Nerds

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Physics answers the question, "What is the nature of the universe?" Geology answers the question, "What'd I just trip over?"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 11 Episode 7

Physics

Marty: "Thanks for going to outer space, so no matter what I do, my mum will be disappointed in me."
Howard: "Well, I married a little catholic girl, so we're even."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 10

Sheldon: "Why do people cry at weddings?"
Mary: "They're practicing for what's coming later."

Mary Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 10 Episode 1

This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 3 Episode 22

Gosh, Amy, I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because, like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette Rostenkowski in The Big Bang Theory

Quantum physics makes me so happy. It's like looking at the universe naked.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 20

Universe Physics Quantum Mechanics

'See you in hell Sheldon'? The most frightening thing about that is the missing comma!

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 7

Rajesh: "I don't know if I want to play anymore."
Sheldon: "Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good Lord, if that becomes a reason not to play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 4

Dungeons & Dragons Pen & Paper

Sheldon: "I'm quite aware of the way humans usually reproduce, which is messy, unsanitary, and based on living next to you for three years, involves loud and unnecessary appeals to a deity."
Penny: "Oh God!"
Sheldon: "Yes, exactly."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 4 Episode 1

Raj: "Hey, look, I found an iPod!"
Howard: "Smashed beyond repair - what are you going to do with it?"
Raj: "What else? Sell it on ebay as 'slightly used'."

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

eBay

Leonard: "I don't think I can go out with her tonight."
Sheldon: "Then don't."
Leonard: "Other people would say, 'Why not?'"
Sheldon: "Other people might be interested."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

Penny: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy I usually go out with."
Sheldon: "Leonard isn't the kind of guy anyone usually goes out with."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 5 Episode 1

Sex Ice Cream

This physicist goes into an ice cream parlor every week and orders an ice cream sundae for himself, and then offers one to the empty stool sitting next to him. This goes on for a while until the owner finally asks him what he's doing. The man says, "Well, I'm a physicist, and quantum mechanics teaches us, that it is possible for the matter above this stool to spontaneously turn into a beautiful woman who might accept my offer and fall in love with me." The owner then says, "Lots of single, beautiful women come in here ever day. Buy an ice cream for one of them, and they might fall in love with you." And the physicist says, "Yeah, but what are the odds of that happening?!"

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 19

Physics Quantum Mechanics

I love the smell of paintballs in the morning.

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 16

Leonard: "You owe me another two dollars, the price of moo shu pork went up."
Howard: "It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 14

Judaism Pigs

My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divided up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection... or HER own protection.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 14

Leonard: "Penny's taking you to the DMV, I'm going to bed."
Sheldon: "Why Penny?"
Leonard: "Because rock breaks scissors."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 2 Episode 5

Penny

Howard: "You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin."
Sheldon: "Why?"
Howard: "Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me."

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 17

You tell people I'm a rocket scientist? My God! Why don't you just tell them that I'm a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 15

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish? 'Cause I'd kill my rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 15

Judaism

Howard: "Don't you think I should answer the engineering questions? I am an engineer."
Sheldon: "By that logic I should answer all the anthropology questions because I'm a mammal."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 13

Sheldon: "Well, once, when I was 15, spending the summer at the Heidelberg Institute in Germany."
Penny: "Studying abroad?"
Sheldon: "No. Visiting professor. Anyway, the local cuisine was a little more sausage-based than I'm used to. And the result was an internal Blitzkrieg, with my lower intestine playing the part of Czechoslovakia."

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 11

Polen

She is cheating. No one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

Nerds Video games

Marshall: "When a woman puts on an engagement ring, it's like when Bilbo Baggins wears the One Ring in The Hobbit."
Robin: "Okay, can you say that again, but not in nerd?"
Marshall: "Sure. Uh, the ring is like the cloak that Harry Potter wears to sneak around Hogwarts."
Robin: "Yeah, I don't speak virgin either."

Robin Scherbatsky in How I Met Your Mother - Season 8 Episode 14

Bilbo Baggins The Hobbit Nerds Quotes about Harry Potter Quotes about Lord of the Rings

So in your world... you're like the "cool guys".

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 13

Nerds

Fear is the path to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate; hate leads to suffering.

Master Yoda in Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace

Fear Hatred

Oh, great warrior? Wars not make one great.

Master Yoda in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

War Warriors

Do or do not. There is no try.

Master Yoda in Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back

Taking action

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022

California

The government just decided: Every houshold hoarding more than 10 rolls of toilet paper is from now on regarded as a public toilet.

Corona-Jokes Toilet

Leonard: "For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to... hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?"
Sheldon: "You have a sarcasm sign?"

Sheldon Cooper in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Sarcasm

Love is not a sprint, it's a marathon. A relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms - or hits you with the pepper spray.

Howard Wolowitz in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 3

Penny: "You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory... people order cheesecake and I bring it to them."
Leonard: "So you kind of act as like a carbohydrate delivery system?"
Penny: "Yeah, call it whatever you want, I get minimum wage."

Penny in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 2

Leonard: "The only way we can play teams at this point is if we cut Raj in half."
Rajesh: "Sure, cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from."

Rajesh Koothrappali in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 7

Penny: "Wow, a girl scientist."
Leslie: "Yep, come for the breast, stay for the brains."

Leslie Winkle in The Big Bang Theory - Season 1 Episode 5

The best Quotes by Leonard Hofstadter

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