The best Quotes by Larry David

The best Quotes by Larry David

Lawrence Gene David (born July 2, 1947) is an American comedian, writer, actor, and television producer. He and Jerry Seinfeld created the television sitcom Seinfeld, on which David was head writer and executive producer for the first seven seasons. He gained further recognition for the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm, which he created and stars in as a semi-fictionalized version of himself.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.
Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.
Women love a self-confident bald man.
I don't take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.
Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.
1
A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
2
Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?
There is no such thing as fun for the WHOLE family.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
1
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
1
Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."
2
A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.
3
George: "She calls me up at my office. She says, 'We have to talk.'"
Jerry: "Ugh. The four worst words in the English language."
George: "That or 'Whose bra is this?'"
Jerry: "That's worse."
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.
Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?
I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.
Women don't respect salad eaters.
Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.
This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.
George: "Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?"
Jerry: "Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind."
Mr. Peterman: "Elaine, can you keep a secret?"
Elaine: "No sir, I can't."
George: "You're gonna over-dry your laundry."
Jerry: "You can't over-dry."
George: "Why not?"
Jerry: "Same reason you can't over-wet."
Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld - Season 1 Episode 1
George: "You've got to apologize."
Jerry: "Why?"
George: "Because it's the mature and adult thing to do."
Jerry: "How does that affect me?"
I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.
That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.
No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11
5
There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.
Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man
2
If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
2
Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 3
2
I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap
Frank Sinatra - New York, New York
1
In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?
Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 5
1
We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.
Salad. Salad is by far the best food in the world. Cheap to buy, easy to whip up, and filling.
I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.
The devil's voice is sweet to hear.
6
As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.
3
Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.
2
Men always want to be a woman's first love. What women like is to be a man's last romance.
7
What did you do? Show your barber a picture of a dog's ass and said, "I'll take that"?
Hank Schrader in Breaking Bad - Season 4 Episode 7
1
My hair was famous before I was.
1
I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.'

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