The best Quotes by Larry David

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It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Jerry Seinfeld

Newspapers

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Jerry Seinfeld

Florida

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Jerry Seinfeld

Children & Childhood

Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

Jerry Seinfeld

Dogs Pooping

There is no such thing as fun for the WHOLE family.

Jerry Seinfeld

Family

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld

Character Decisions Street

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Quotes

Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.

Jerry Seinfeld

Marriage

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, "See if you can blow this out."

Jerry Seinfeld

Birthday Candles

A bookstore is one of the only pieces of physical evidence we have that people are still thinking.

Jerry Seinfeld

Books Reading

George: "She calls me up at my office. She says, 'We have to talk.'"
Jerry: "Ugh. The four worst words in the English language."
George: "That or 'Whose bra is this?'"
Jerry: "That's worse."

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can't do it in one push; you gotta rock it back and forth a few times and then it goes over.

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

Why is nice bad? What kind of a sick society are we living in when nice is bad?

George Costanza in Seinfeld

I spend so much time trying to get their clothes off, I never thought of taking mine off.

George Costanza in Seinfeld

Women don't respect salad eaters.

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

Salad

Borrowing money from a friend is like having sex. It just completely changes the relationship.

George Costanza in Seinfeld

Money

This woman hates me so much, I’m starting to like her.

George Costanza in Seinfeld

George: "Why do they make the condom packets so hard to open?"
Jerry: "Probably to give the woman a chance to change her mind."

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

Mr. Peterman: "Elaine, can you keep a secret?"
Elaine: "No sir, I can't."

Elaine Benes in Seinfeld

George: "You're gonna over-dry your laundry."
Jerry: "You can't over-dry."
George: "Why not?"
Jerry: "Same reason you can't over-wet."

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld - Season 1 Episode 1

George: "You've got to apologize."
Jerry: "Why?"
George: "Because it's the mature and adult thing to do."
Jerry: "How does that affect me?"

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

I’m not a lesbian. I hate men, but I’m not a lesbian.

Elaine Benes in Seinfeld

That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

Jerome Seinfeld in Seinfeld

Christmas

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11

Sex New York City

There are eight million people in this city. And those teeming masses exist for the sole purpose of lifting the few exceptional people onto their shoulders.

Grüner Kobold in Spider-Man

Fame New York City

If I can make it there
I'll make it anywhere
It's up to you
New York, New York

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

New York City

Manhattan, for millions of our forefathers, the gateway to hope, opportunity and happiness beyond their wildest dreams. Today, that hope is still alive, it's called "The First Date". On Saturday nights, every restaurant in Lower Manhattan resembles its own little Ellis Island.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 3

New York City Manhatten

I want to wake up in that city
That doesn't sleep
And find I'm king of the hill
Top of the heap

Frank Sinatra - New York, New York

New York City

In a city that moves so fast, you get the Sunday paper on Saturday - how did any of us know how much time we had left?

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 2 Episode 5

New York City

We are New Yorkers. Proud citizens of the greatest city on earth. Thinking big isn't new to us. It is the very foundation of who we are.

Bill de Blasio

New York City

Salad. Salad is by far the best food in the world. Cheap to buy, easy to whip up, and filling.

Mona in Genshin Impact

Salad

I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things.

Leslie Knope in Parks and Recreation

Salad

The devil's voice is sweet to hear.

Stephen King

Seduction

As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.

Andy Warhol

Seduction

Smart women love smart men more than smart men love smart women.

Natalie Portman

Intelligence Men & Women Singles & Dating

Men always want to be a woman's first love. What women like is to be a man's last romance.

Oscar Wilde

Love Men & Women

What did you do? Show your barber a picture of a dog's ass and said, "I'll take that"?

Hank Schrader in Breaking Bad - Season 4 Episode 7

Hair

A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.

Coco Chanel

Hair

I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think 'That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.'

George Costanza in Seinfeld

The best Quotes by Larry David

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