Carrie: "What are you doing?"
Doug: "Well, from your tone of voice... I'm guessing, not the right thing."
Doug: "Well, from your tone of voice... I'm guessing, not the right thing."
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 13
3You know, it has been 17 days since I've "enjoyed" you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1
2Carrie: "I can't do this to him. I can't stick him in some crappy place where they're gonna just prop him up in a chair and pump him full of Jell-O. I mean, he's my father.
Doug: "Car, I know how you feel. But you gotta be realistic, there's no alternative."
Carrie: "Well, there is one alternative..."
Doug: "Euthanasia?! Do we dare?"
Doug: "Car, I know how you feel. But you gotta be realistic, there's no alternative."
Carrie: "Well, there is one alternative..."
Doug: "Euthanasia?! Do we dare?"
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1
2No wife of mine is gonna do dishes on Valentine's Day. You can do these tomorrow.
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 16
1Spence: "A month is not that long not to have had sex."
Doug: "Yeah, but if you add in the other 31 years, I'd think you'd be a little antsy..."
Doug: "Yeah, but if you add in the other 31 years, I'd think you'd be a little antsy..."
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 12
1I don't think they believed the last excuse you gave them. What was it, that you 'were stuck in a well'?
Carrie Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1
1You might like these Quotes aswell
Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.
There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined an improv group... it all started opening up.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.
George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.
I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
Shameless - Season 3 Episode 12