No wife of mine is gonna do dishes on Valentine's Day. You can do these tomorrow.Valentine's DayDoug Heffernan in King of Queens, Season 1 Episode 16
Carrie: 'What are you doing?'
Doug: 'Well, from your tone of voice... I'm guessing, not the right thing.'
Spence: 'A month is not that long not to have had sex.'
Doug: 'Yeah, but if you add in the other 31 years, I'd think you'd be a little antsy...'
You know, it has been 17 days since I've 'enjoyed' you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.SexDoug Heffernan in King of Queens, Season 1 Episode 1
I don't think they believed the last excuse you gave them. What was it, that you 'were stuck in a well'?Carrie Heffernan in King of Queens, Season 1 Episode 1
Carrie: 'I can't do this to him. I can't stick him in some crappy place where they're gonna just prop him up in a chair and pump him full of Jell-O. I mean, he's my father.
Doug: 'Car, I know how you feel. But you gotta be realistic, there's no alternative.'
Carrie: 'Well, there is one alternative...'
Doug: 'Euthanasia?! Do we dare?'