The best Quotes from King of Queens

The best Quotes from King of Queens

The King of Queens is an American television sitcom that ran on CBS from September 21, 1998, to May 14, 2007, a total of nine seasons and 207 episodes.

Carrie: "What are you doing?"
Doug: "Well, from your tone of voice... I'm guessing, not the right thing."
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 13
You know, it has been 17 days since I've "enjoyed" you. And I assume it's been months since you've enjoyed me.
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1
Carrie: "I can't do this to him. I can't stick him in some crappy place where they're gonna just prop him up in a chair and pump him full of Jell-O. I mean, he's my father.
Doug: "Car, I know how you feel. But you gotta be realistic, there's no alternative."
Carrie: "Well, there is one alternative..."
Doug: "Euthanasia?! Do we dare?"
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1
No wife of mine is gonna do dishes on Valentine's Day. You can do these tomorrow.
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 16
Spence: "A month is not that long not to have had sex."
Doug: "Yeah, but if you add in the other 31 years, I'd think you'd be a little antsy..."
Doug Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 12
I don't think they believed the last excuse you gave them. What was it, that you 'were stuck in a well'?
Carrie Heffernan - Season 1 Episode 1

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From there, I tried out for a community theatre play, joined an improv group... it all started opening up.
I've always had something in my heart where I root for guys who struggle with women.
I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.
George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil.
It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.
90% of every art form is garbage - dance and stand-up, painting and music. Focus on the 10% that's good, suck it up, and drive on.
I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.
If you want more sex, just ask for it.
Selfies are electronic masturbation.
"How do you spell 'love'?" - "You don't spell it... you feel it."
Lip: "Hey, whoa. You really think they deserve your hard-earned money for that service?"
Frank: "Dine and dash?"
Lip: "Bite and bolt."
Frank: "Eat it and beat it?"
Shameless - Season 3 Episode 12

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