The best Quotes by Kevin Nealon

I learned how to draw from being bored in school. I would doodle on the margins of my paper.

Never wear a red t-shirt to Target. I enjoy helping people, but not every two minutes.

I do have a place in my heart for animal shelters because the job they have is impossible - so many animals that need to euthanized because don't have homes for them.

Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.

My heart started running away, like a pack of horses. Then it slowed down and became irregular.

Ethel: "One day the entire family will be reunited in the Garden of Eden."
"Oh, like heaven?"
Ethel: "No, it's in Missouri."
"Oh. Eden's got a lot of methheads."

Did you know only one US president has been born in Missouri?
It's true, man.

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Missouri - and that's pretty much the same thing.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.

Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.

It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.

I am sorry on behalf of most, if not close to all, of Australia at this point. I'm sorry about Raygun and that we broke dancing.