The best Quotes by Katherine Ryan

Your laugh is the reason your parents never tickled you growing up.

Jimmy has the work ethic of an immigrant and the personal wealth of the country that immigrant had to flee.

I'm gonna talk about racism now. And this is a straight white man talking, so pay attention!

Who's not gonna take the vaccine because they think it might be dangerous? Raise your hands! Now take that hand and slap yourself in the f*cking face!

What is suicide? It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's so sad.

Everyone is shaving their p*ssy. And hipsters these days have beards. So society has the same amount of hair, just on different c*nts.

Mainsplaining, it's when a man tries to explain what you already know in a patronizing manner. It's when a man - that's me - tries to put clever thoughts in your pretty little brain. You understand that? That's a meta joke.

If you're a homeless, alcoholic Scott and you had tourettes... how would they ever know?

I think a girl is too young for you if you have to make airplane noises to put your c-ck in her mouth.

If only Africa had more mosquito nets, then every year, we could save millions of mosquitos from dying needlessly of aids.

The tragedy for comedians is there's nothing more they want than to be liked. We desperately seek approval. It's almost like a personality disorder you can do as a job.

I was in love with the idea of being in love with a woman way before I was actually in love with one.

If she says, "We can't have sex, I'm on my period", I would say, "Well, your ass isn't bleeding, is it?"

A travel writer's made a world map showing where women are easiest to sleep with. That's awful. Although, good news for Blackpool's tourism.

The new Thor movie is out today. I haven't been looking forward to Hammertime this much since 1989.

I enjoyed Halloween this year. I stuck two pumpkins down the back of my trousers and went as Kim Kardashian's arse.

Things get out of hand so quickly. I once heard of a girl who lied to her husband about how she got pregnant, and now there's an entire religion.

If you see German soldiers, don't panic. They are here to help.

I will be casting my vote for Kamala Harris and Tim Walz in the 2024 Presidential Election. I'm voting for Kamala Harris because she fights for the rights and causes I believe need a warrior to champion them.

Donald Trump was fired by 81 million people. Clearly he is having a very difficult time processing that.

It's been the honor of my lifetime to serve as your president. I love the job - but I love my country more.