The best Quotes by Karl Valentin

The best Quotes by Karl Valentin

Karl Valentin (born Valentin Ludwig Fey, 4 June 1882 in Munich – 9 February 1948 in Planegg) was a Bavarian comedian. He had significant influence on German Weimar culture. Valentin starred in many silent films in the 1920s, and was sometimes called the "Charlie Chaplin of Germany". His work has an essential influence on artists like Bertolt Brecht, Samuel Beckett, Loriot and Helge Schneider.

To never be sick can't be healthy.

Illness & Sickness

F*ck reason - long live the nonsense!

Everybody talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it.

Weather Funny Quotes

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Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.

Samuel Beckett

4

Experience Failures & Mistakes Beginning

One of the main differences between Munich and Berlin is that when thousands of people get drunk in silly clothes and start vomitting, we don't call it "Oktoberfest", we call it "Tuesday".

Felix Lobrecht

2

Berlin Munich Oktoberfest

If you don't like Munich, I don't know which part of Germany you could like.

Angela Merkel - July 16th 2009, to Dmitry Medvedev

They say money can't buy happiness. But it can book your flight to Munich - which is kinda the same.

I have consistently loved books that I've read when I've been sick in bed.

Tracy Chevalier

Illness & Sickness Reading

When you're sick, nobody takes care of you like your mom.

Trisha Yearwood

Illness & Sickness Mother

Conversation about the weather is the last refuge of the unimaginative.

Oscar Wilde

2

You know what they say about weather in the Midwest. If you don't like it, wait an hour.

C-Note in Prison Break - Season 1 Episode 15

1

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

8

Alcohol Funny Quotes

"There's perfect men around every corner", said God an made the Earth round.

5

Funny Quotes Singles & Dating

Kim Jong-un is very isolated in his own country. He's the only obese person in North Korea.

Olaf Schubert in heute-show - heute-show vom 08.09.2017

Kim Jong Un North Korea

A Christian telling an atheist they're going to hell is as scary as a child telling an adult they're not getting any presents from Santa.

Ricky Gervais

1

Atheism Santa Claus Hölle

Cynicism, to me, is trying to make people as unhappy as you are.

Ricky Gervais

Life is so damn short. For f's sake, just do what makes you happy!

Bill Murray

The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.

Bill Murray

Taxes Ice Cream

Life is fleeting. And if you're ever distressed, cast your eyes to the summer sky when the stars are strung across the velvety night. And when a shooting star streaks through the blackness, turning night into day... make a wish and think of me.

Robin Williams

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Robin Williams

This is the end of Wladimir Putin.

Jan Böhmermann - February 2022

Vladimir Putin Russia-Ukraine War

Dubai accomplished that boom through lots of hard work... by slaves.

Jan Böhmermann (ZDF Magazin Royale) - vom 12.02.2021

People say that money changes people. It really doesn't. Money don't change people. Money allows you to be more of who you really are. If you're a kind person when you get a lot of money, you become a kinder person. If you're an a-shole when you get a lot of money, you become a big a-shole. When you see rich people acting like a-sholes it's 'cause they've always been one.

Steve Harvey - February 2021

Harvey: "You gonna sit up here on national TV and say 'nekkid', and then point at the damn board like we gonna let you get away with it!"
Contestant: "I bet you said 'nekkid' in one of your comedy routines."
Harvey: "You on Family Feud! This ain't a comedy routine!"

Steve Harvey in Family Feud

Life is too short to worry about what others say about you. Have fun and give them something to talk about.

Gossip & Rumors

The only time you should look back in life is to see how far you have come.

Spotify, the app with the entire history of recorded music that you only use to listen to four songs that you liked in high school.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - The Truth Behind Music Streaming

You don't need to show up like a SWAT Team to rescue a Barbie from a little girl. If anything, you should be rescuing the little girl from the Barbie. Should be getting there like, "little girl, watch out! That Barbie can give you a warped sense of what a woman's body is supposed to be!"

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - June 2020

Where I'm from? A little town called none of yo god damn business.

Dave Chappelle

The language you are about to hear… is disturbing.

Dave Chappelle

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