We had to make cutbacks. I already eliminated the department that puts backwards messages on vinyl records.
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You are so funny I could just assassinate you. No, really I could do it. My finger's hovering over the button.
Inside Job - Season 1 Episode 1
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Once the withdrawal finally wore off, I realized sobriety agrees with me. So I took a shower, combed the cigarette ash out of my pubes and - boom - sober Rand is back.
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Daddy needs a new liver, honey. Can you grab one from the organ lab? It's urgent. Also, some booze. Just something to make the new live feel at home.
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I am not going back to my last job doing PR for the Kims. Kardashian and Jong-un. One of them has killed hundreds, and it's not the one you think.
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Can you believe they'd even think of firing me? I've invented almost as many cures as diseases!
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What's the point of unchecked power if we don't abuse it?
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It's my second week and my third can of Axe body spray.
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I actually need a mediocre white man to act as a human shield and social lubricant while I accomplish my real goals.
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Reagan: "You were fired for getting drunk and trying to blow up the sun."
Rand: "I was gonna cure skin cancer!"
Rand: "I was gonna cure skin cancer!"
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I invented selfies to trick the country into surveilling themselves.
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Brett Hand: "Question. Is this place evil?"
Reagan: "Uh, is Facebook evil? Is Starbucks evil?"
Reagan: "Uh, is Facebook evil? Is Starbucks evil?"
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This is my lab, where everything is peaceful, efficient, and the thermostat is controlled entirely by me. Someday, I hope to make the whole world like this. Efficient that is, not controlled entirely by me. That would be totally egomaniacal. I would never do that.
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I skipped grades and showers to prove that despite my dad's legacy I can run the shit out of this office.
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Scheimpough: "I don't need to look at your eye-bags to know you've been working hard."
Reagan: "Thank you, sir. And I am prepared for them to get deeper."
Reagan: "Thank you, sir. And I am prepared for them to get deeper."
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Don't listen to my father, kids. He gets his news from Facebook and Ambien.
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Reagan: "Has retirement made you go completely insane?"
Rand: "No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have."
Rand: "No, but the 5G radio waves in the air have."
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The world is controlled by shadowy elites and shape-shifting lizard people. Have you ever folded a one-dollar-bill? Look, you can make it say "boobs". What does that mean? Am I the only one who cares that the President is a robot?
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When you lose everything, that's when you're finally free.
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We're not defined by what we los. We're defined by what we survive.
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They're exhausting to inflate, they scare the shit out of you when they pop, and uninflated they just look like a pile of clown-condoms.
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