Quotes by Jon Stewart

When did fact checking and journalism go their separate ways?

We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.

If America leads a blessed life, then why did God put all of our oil under people who hate us?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro", then isn't "congress" the opposite of "progress"?

I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

The Internet is just a world passing around notes in a classroom.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

You have to remember one thing about the will of the people: it wasn't that long ago that we were swept away by the Macarena.

We must, together as a nation, stop watching Fox.

I celebrated Thanksgiving the old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

Love what you do. Get good at it. Competence is a rare commodity in this day and age. And let the chips fall where they may.