The best Quotes by Johnny Carson

Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'

Talent

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Alcohol Enjoying Sex Smoking Funny Quotes

Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

New York City

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Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

Rita Rudner

Men & Women Boobs

To attract men, I wear a perfume called "New Car Interior."

Rita Rudner

Men Perfume

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Rita Rudner

Relationships Marriage

I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.

Rita Rudner

That's L.A. They worship everything and they value nothing.

Sebastian Wilder in La La Land

Los Angeles

Welcome to a city where people trying to disappear aren't actually trying.

Joe Goldberg in You - Season 2 Episode 2

Los Angeles

I lived in L.A. for a few months. It seemed like no one there had parents. Or if they did have parents, they would deny it.

Catherine O'Hara

Los Angeles

Linda: "Why did you decide to come to Los Angeles?"
Lucifer: "The same reason as everyone else: the weather, p*rnstars, Mexican food."

Lucifer Morningstar in Lucifer - Season 1 Episode 3

Los Angeles

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Craig Kilborn

Los Angeles

Los Angeles was the kind of place where everybody was from somewhere else and nobody really droppped anchor.

Michael Connelly in The Lincoln Lawyer - The Brass Verdict

Los Angeles

California has officially announced that jaywalking is now no longer a crime. So congratulations to the Californians who like walking places. This is great news for the six of you.

Trevor Noah in The Daily Show - October 2022

California

New Mexico. It's another state. I mean, it's like California, just less traffic.

Lalo Salamanca in Better Call Saul - Season 6 Episode 5

California New Mexico

We all have our little faults. Mine's in California.

Lex Luthor in Superman

California

All creative people should be required to leave California for three months every year.

Gloria Swanson

California

Helsinki may not be as cold as you make it out to be, but California is still a lot nicer. I don't remember the last time I couldn't walk around in shorts all day.

Linus Torvalds

California Helsinki

The apparent ease of California life is an illusion, and those who believe the illusion real live here in only the most temporary way.

Joan Didion

California

You have never seen such lofty clouds, such towering anvils, as in Iowa in July.

Bill Bryson

July Iowa

They say money can't buy happiness, but it can buy a flight to Iowa - and that's pretty much the same thing.

Iowa

Every time you kiss me, it's like sunshine and whiskey.

Frankie Ballard - Sunshine & Whiskey

Whiskey

People should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their people.

V in V for Vendetta

Democracy Governments

I would like to be remembered as someone who did the best she could with the talent she had.

Joanne K. Rowling

Talent

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!

Homer Simpson in The Simpsons - Season 8 Episode 18

Alcohol Toasts

He who postpones the hour of living is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses.

Horace

Life Enjoying Rivers

If you want more sex, just ask for it.

Damon Salvatore in The Vampire Diaries

Sex Erotic Quotes

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Mark Twain

Smoking Funny Quotes

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Dean Martin

Alcohol Funny Quotes

No wonder the city never sleeps, it's too busy trying to get laid.

Carrie Bradshaw in Sex And The City - Season 1 Episode 11

Sex New York City

Some a-hole leaks it online and I'm like, you know, looking at the guy in the mirror brushing my teeth, "Dude, what have you done? This could be punishable by law!" But the internet forced the studio to say, "We're gonna make this movie", and 24 hours later, that movie had a green light.

Ryan Reynolds - September 2025

Deadpool

The best Quotes by Johnny Carson

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